Electric Cheetah

There are a couple of things that you should probably know about Electric Cheetah.

The first thing that you need to know is that Electric Cheetah has a seasonal menu. I was originally going to write an article about Electric Cheetah earlier this year and one of the things I was going to rave about was their brisket sandwich. It was a really fantastic sandwich, but if you go there today you will not be able to order it. While this may seem frustrating, it is actually not so bad because of the second thing you need to know.

The second thing that you need to know is that basically every sandwich and most of the other entrees on any given Electric Cheetah is really good. I've never had a bad sandwich or meal at the Electric Cheetah. Some have been better than others, but unlike many of the other places I recommend that have one or two things that are absolutely fantastic and a bunch of other things to skip, you're more likely to love your food at the Electric Cheetah than you are to be unhappy.

But if you're looking for a bull's eye, there is one thing that I have never seen leave the Electric Cheetah menu. The third thing that you need to know is that if you have not ordered A Classic French Dip at Electric Cheetah before, you are missing out on the best french dip sandwich I have ever had. This is basically the signature sandwich at Electric Cheetah, and almost everyone I know recommends it. I've never been the biggest fan of the French Dip before Electric Cheetah - it's just so easy to make an unremarkable French Dip sandwich. But there's something about the mixture of slow roasted beef, Nantucket roll, Swiss cheese, horseradish cream and au jus that just makes A Classic French Dip fantastic. My hypothesis is that it has a lot to do with the clashing tastes of the horseradish cream and the au jus, but then again, it also has a lot to do with the quality of the beef and how it is cooked. What I can say for certain is that the French Dip will not fail you.

The fourth thing that you should probably know is that Electric Cheetah is getting hotter and hotter each year that I go there. I think that the Cheetah started as a hip restaurant in/near Eastown, but as word began to spread almost everyone in greater Grand Rapids now knows the name Electric Cheetah. As a result, weekends and evenings are likely to be kind of packed. I don't want to discourage you from going, though. Even though the restaurant is not so elegant that you have to make reservations, it never hurts to call ahead and let them know you'll be coming and how many people you will be dining with. It was a lot easier to sneak into Electric Cheetah without a wait when I used to go there at 2 PM on a week day during the summer. But on a Saturday night, during/around the Art Prize festivities, it can be kind of crazy.

Come for A Classic French Dip. Stay for the other appetizing sandwiches and dinners. And if you've tasted each and every delicacy that Electric Cheetah has to offer, just wait a couple months and the menu will be different. Invest some money in your local economy. Eat at the Electric Cheetah today.

Electric Cheetah

1015 Wealthy Street Southwest

Grand Rapids, MI 49506

Old Rip's Tex-Mex Restaurant

I must have walked past Old Rip's Tex-Mex Restaurant a couple hundred times, walking to the grocery store, walking to other restaurants that I was less than pleased with, walking to school, but I never really gave the place a chance. The restaurant has two large picture windows facing the main road, and every evening I've seen nicely dressed people sitting in the restaurant enjoying themselves. I think I never went there until my last month in Fort Worth mainly because I thought I'd need a reservation. When Amy and I finally stopped in one afternoon, we were really surprised.

I do have to say that if you come to Old Rip's Tex-Mex Restaurant expecting classic and signature Tex-Mex entrees, you might be disappointed. I would describe Old Rip's as a Mexican restaurant with a couple of Tex-Mex inspired elements: mainly bacon, brisket, rib-eye and ranch dressing. I also have to say that I do not promote disappointing restaurants on this webs site, so if you can overlook the absence of Tex-Mex despite the emphasis on Tex-Mex in the restaurant's name you'll be happy.

What I recommend at Old Rip's is the burrito. I've had both the brisket burrito and the steak burrito, and while both are fantastic I would definitely suggest the steak. Amy had the chicken fajita burrito also, and she highly recommends that as well. My hypothesis is that all of their burritos are good. Burritos are filled with lettuce, tomato, guacamole, sour cream, pico, Monterey Jack, cheddar and cilantro. If I have one critique it is that ordering burritos like this can sometimes seem a little much. I am a fan of the ambition to put all of these fillings in a burrito, but I think these burritos hit a critical mass of flavor. I would suggest removing at least one of these fillings as suits you. I like to order burritos here without guacamole. It's not that I don't like guacamole, but I do think that the burrito has a better flavor balance without it. Amy likes to order burritos at Old Rip's without the sour cream. That's just what works best for her. All burritos are topped with queso and jalapeno peppers and served with Mexican rice and refried beans.

I did not find a lot of really good burritos in Fort Worth. It took non-traditional Mexican food like that at Old Rip's to keep me from declaring it a burrito-free zone. I would definitely check out Old Rip's if you're in Fort Worth, especially if you're in the Texas Christian University vicinity. March right past Fuzzy's - unless you just want queso with chips - and stop in at Old Rip's Tex-Mex Restaurant. You'll get better service and better food, and one of the best burritos in Fort Worth.

Old Rip's Tex-Mex Restaurant

3105 Cockrell Ave.

Fort Worth, TX 76109

Chubby's Burger Shack

Chubby's Burger Shack is in a gloomy part of Fort Worth surrounded by auto repair shops and 99 cent stores. The building is easy to miss. When you pull in it is never clear whether you're going to get a lube job or a fantastic meal. Chubby's is one of the many great restaurants in Fort Worth that is hidden in plain sight in a neighborhood you wouldn't expect to have anything more than an Applebees or a Chili's.

Chubby's projects the atmosphere of a small-town saloon. The people sitting at the bar all seem to know one another, a Texas variation on Cheers. After having a great meal, customers can ring a cowbell on the way out, an action that invokes a cheer from everyone else inside.

The menu has a bunch of choices, but I've never been able to see past the Big Nasty, a half-pound burger with chili, bacon, grilled jalapenos, onions, Monterrey jack and cheddar cheese. The Big Nasty is easily one of the best burgers in Fort Worth, and certainly the biggest of the best. The toppings compliment well the flavorful beef, and combined with a side of french fries or onion rings (both are really tasty) the Big Nasty is one heck of a meal.

Having recently become concerned with my health, I can tell you that Chubby's lives up to its name. My pants never quite fit right the day after I've eaten a Big Nasty. You should definitely check out Chubby's, but you probably shouldn't make it a habit. Chubby's goes well with a rigorous exercise regime.

I liked Chubby's Burger Shack enough that I've invented an advertising slogan: "Chubby's Burger Shack - I've got a Chubby just thinking about it!"

Chubby's Burger Shack

7618 Camp Bowie West

Fort Worth, TX 76116

Mama's Pizza

There are approximately 15 billion restaurants in the United States alone called Mama's Pizza. That's a 15% increase from last year. Though there are only 13 billion Papa's Pizza restaurants, Mama's employees make 20% less in profits than Papa's employees because America's full of patriarchal bigots. The above information is based entirely on lies. But seriously, there are a ton of restaurants called Mama's Pizza.

The Mama's Pizza that I am referring to is on Berry Street in Fort Worth, Texas. When you walk inside there's a really cool home-town independent pizza place feel. The servers are attentive and cool. There's a giant TV for watching March Madness basketball or whatever people much cooler than I am watch. (As anyone who has shared a hotel room with me recently can attest, I'd probably be surfing for King of the Hill reruns if they gave me the remote.)

As you may remember, I've been trying to overcome my pretensions Brooklyn-style and Chicago-style pizza are the only way to go. Like nearby Mellow Mushroom, Mama's Pizza does not fit into either of the main pizza styles. Unlike Mellow Mushroom, Mama's doesn't attempt to make gourmet pizza. If I had to describe Mama's Pizza I would have to say that it is like a home-style version of the kind of pizza you get at Chuck E. Cheese's, and while that description may not make your mouth water, Mama's Pizza certainly will.

My personal favorite is the pepperoni and sausage. (Pictured here, however, is the pepperoni and Italian sausage.) Mama's Pizza sausage is small and crumbly and it really hits the spot. Like most pizza, Mama's Pizza is good frozen, so get a big pizza and enjoy it for a week. After that, proceed directly to the gym and spend the next three weeks eating salads. (I just started watching my figure. Can you tell?)

Mama's Pizza

1813 West Berry Street

Fort Worth, TX 76110

Ol' South Pancake House

In a previous post, I mentioned that there is a "holy trinity" of Fort Worth restaurants near TCU (Fuzzy's, Mellow Mushroom, Ol' South). I also mentioned that Mellow Mushroom is one of the two "holy" restaurants that belongs to my list of blogworthy restaurants. The other is Ol' South.

When asked about Ol' South, I once responded, "Ol' South is like IHOP if IHOP served good food." They serve, on one hand, rich variations on pancakes, waffles, and other breakfast delicacies, and, on the other hand, Texas favorites like chicken fried steak. I personally prefer Ol' South's take on Mexican food, specifically their breakfast tacos with chorizo. This is probably my favorite Mexican (alt-Mexican? Tex-Mex?) dish in Fort Worth.

The one thing I thought Ol' South was missing was hot sauce at every table. I found that tobasco is available upon request, which isn't all that exciting, but also that a personal favorite, Cholula, is available. There's nothing on Ol' South's menu that can't be garnished with Cholula. As a matter of fact, Amy had to stop me from putting it on a pancake and, in the process, destroy her image of pancakes proper.

If you visit Fort Worth and don't visit Ol' South, you're missing out. End of story.

Ol' South Pancake House

1509 South University Dr.

Fort Worth, TX 76107

Mellow Mushroom

When Amy came to Fort Worth I was challenged with the necessity of discerning which restaurants would be best to dine at during her short stay. Reflecting upon my first several visits to Fort Worth a couple years ago a sort of "Holy Trinity" of Fort Worth-near-TCU restaurants emerged, namely Fuzzy's Tacos on Berry, Ol' South on University, and a pizza place called Mellow Mushroom. Prior to bringing Amy to Mellow Mushroom I had little love for Mellow Mushroom, but dining there a couple days before TCU classes resumed for the semester I found that my disdain had come not from the restaurant itself but from the masses of wealthy, self-obsessed and often whiny undergraduates who frequent the popular pizza place.

Mellow Mushroom is a hip restaurant, and, as the name suggests, it plays upon the imagery of stoner culture. Amy was immediately reminded of a favorite sub shop in Tucson, Arizona called Cheba Hut. We ordered a Mellow Mushroom specialty A Magical Combination, which includes Magical Mystery Tour, a pesto base pizza with button and portabello mushrooms, mozerella, spinach, feta and jalapenos, and a Magic Hat #9 beer. The pizza tasted fantastic, and in the proper pizza style it was still good after sitting a couple days in Amy's car when I ate it in the parking lot of the Container Store. The Magic Hat #9 reminded me of my year living in Brooklyn where Magic Hat beers are much more common on tap at bars. It got me tipsy pretty quickly after only one beer, but also after spending a great deal of time moving my Christmas presents and bags back into my apartment.

Of the "Holy Trinity," two of the restaurants are pretty great. Mellow Mushroom is certainly one of them, and I suggest you check it out. As for the second of the great restaurants, I suppose you'll just have to stay tuned to Cavemengo in order to find out.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Mellow Mushroom

3455 Bluebonnet Circle

Fort Worth, TX 76109

Jonny B'z

Grand Rapids, Michigan is a one hot dog stand kind of town. I'm not saying that it is a small town. Quite the opposite, in fact - there are several Starbucks in Grand Rapids. But for my entire life the question of where to get great hot dogs has always been answered, Yesterdog. Yesterdog is a simple, anti-chain, hip, local hot dog eatery, but I've seen it run its fair share of hot doggeries out of business.

I was skeptical when I saw Jonny B'z pop up next to the Winchester, not because I thought the food would be bad, but because I doubted that the restaurant would stay in business long enough for me to even visit. Jonny B'z has been in business now for at least half of a year and I've been there four or five times in the last month alone. The hot dogs are great and I expect Jonny B'z to, as Arnold Schwarzenegger would say, "stick around."

Here's why: Jonny B'z does not pretend to be the local taste of the people. In many ways it is just another hot dog restaurant. It has no single reason for being. It is clear, however, that the hot dogs are inspired by a careful study of the many cultures of dogs across the United States and then some. The hot dogs are flat top grilled and placed in a European-style grilled bun, available Chicago-style, Carolina-style with slaw, Cajun-style with a sausage, or even German-style with kraut. You can get gumbo or even a brisket sandwich there. Whereas Yesterdog is a local delicacy, Jonny B'z is a traveling sideshow of hot dog wonders. What it lacks in a single solitary hot dog identity, it makes up for in diversity.

I haven't had a dog at Jonny B'z that I didn't like. The Jonny Dog, topped with catsup, mustard, pickle, onion and chili is pretty fantastic. The Hampton Meeks is a personal favorite, garnished with mustard, chili and slaw. The Kraut Dog is self explanatory and satisfying, balancing kraut with mustard and onion. The Chicago Dog impressed my girlfriend, a hot dog connoisseur with specialties in Hotdogus chicagosis, a delicacy with mustard, pickles, relish, tomato, onion, sport peppers and celery salt. But if ever there were an uber-dog, it would be the Cajon dog (cleverly mixing "Cajun" and "Jonny"), a spicy sausage available any way you want it. I had a Cajon with the same toppings as the Hampton Meeks and it was quite delicious. The french fries are off the hook, and there are four different flavors of salt that you can use on them, celery, vinegar, bacon cheddar and Mediterranean.

If you're in the neighborhood, make sure you stop by Jonny B'z. Grand Rapids, Michigan is a two hot dog stand kind of town after all.

Jonny B'z

638 Wealthy St.

Grand Rapids, MI 49503

Nick's BBQ and Catfish

I once suggested to my friend Sam from Arkansas that there is only one real city in his home state. It is called Little Rock, and beyond its city limits is a wasteland of hypermorality (or, as I say, moral fixation) and hypocivilization. I found out recently, however, that the city of Carlisle, Arkansas is real, and if not that then at the very least the infamous restaurant known as Nick's BBQ and Catfish (advertised for up to 100 miles in either direction on billboards along I-40).

The wait staff is, as far as I was able to witness, entirely comprised of women in their 20s who call their patrons "baby" and "honey." This is a smart move, considering that Nick's caters to truck drivers, who are stereotypically understood to be adult males, lonely and weary from long hours of driving. The HD television in the back corner seems out of place as the plot of USA's Burn Notice (characters welcome) plays out predictably.

While the brisket and catfish (or catfood, according to a slip of the tongue I made while reading the billboard) are tauted, the slow smoked wood fire ribs are my reason for recommending Nick's. I don't know that anything more needs to be said regarding Nick's ribs save that the tender meat falls off the bone, revealing a smokey and satisfying taste.

There was once a time when my drive from Fort Worth to Grand Rapids lead me through Oklahoma City, Wichita and St. Louis. I now travel through Memphis, Nashville and Indianapolis, but before I get to those cities I make a pit stop in Carlisle for some exquisite ribs.

Nick's BBQ and Catfish

1012 North Bankhead Drive

Highway 13 North

Carlisle, AR 72024

Five Guys Burgers and Fries

The story of my visit to Five Guys is first and foremost a mathematical story problem. On Sunday evenings, I play Dungeons and Dragons with a group of buddies. On one particular Sunday I had the idea that we could share some fellowship around a different table, a table at Five Guys Burger and Fries on Hulen by the mall. I invited my six friends, Josh, Adam, David, Dustin, Chad and Randy to accompany me on my first voyage to this particular burger joint. Dustin had to work and Chad had a previous dinner engagement, but the rest of us hopped in a car and drove on out to Five Guys. How many people, including myself, went to eat at Five Guys?

The answer is five guys. Five guys went that day to eat at Five Guys.

I'm writing this blog today not for the sake of promoting arithmetic to a population that finds story problems annoying, but to tell you that the five guys that went out to dinner that evening found themselves incredibly satisfied with their Five Guys experience.

Prior to arriving at Five Guys I did some research online. This is because I found it difficult to believe that a fast food restaurant could be anywhere near as good as my buddy Josh boasted. I came across a ranking of the best fast food by Zagat Survey and Five Guys was rated number one in fast food hamburgers and number two in fast food french fries behind McDonalds. In-N-Out Burger, the only fast food burger place I'd ever heard anyone rave about prior to the Five Guys hubbub was ranked right behind Five Guys for both burgers and fries. I also came across possibly the most creative review I've ever read of any restaurant ever: "Willy Wonka's of Burgercraft" (Washingtonpost.com 2000).

The normal Hamburger at Five Guys is what would be called a double at other restaurants, equipped with two beef patties and your choice of toppings. If two beef patties is two much (PUN!) then you should order the Little Hamburger, which is more like a single at other restaurants than it is like a kid's hamburger. I ordered a cheeseburger with mayo, lettuce, pickles, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, ketchup and mustard (this is the standard Five Guys "everything" or "all the way" only I asked them to hold the tomatoes). It was probably the best fast food burger I had ever eaten, and not only that, but it was probably the second or third best burger I've eaten in Fort Worth, and I've eaten at some of the most respected gourmet burger restaurants in the city. The burger was huge and dense and the meat tasted fantastic. The grilled onions, mushrooms, and pickles really complemented the taste.

As for french fries, there are two choices, Five Guys style or Cajun style. Both are fantastic. The Five Guys style fries are the ones that are pictured below, but I really think that the Cajun style fries are the best choice. All french fries are hand cut and cooked in peanut oil, but the Cajun style is covered in Cajun seasoning, and that's what makes the difference. Another thing that separates Five Guys from other burger restaurants is the huge serving sizes for the french fries. A regular sized fries is enough to feed two normal-sized people (or one and a half Justin Tiemeyers - I'm kind of a big dude), and though I don't know how many the large will feed, because I've never ordered one myself, I would imagine that it feeds one and a half Cloverfields.

I've been to Five Guys twice now, and I keep forgetting to order The Obama. While doing my research, I stumbled across an article where President Barack Obama was seen ordering burgers for him and his staff in a Washington DC Five Guys. I really enjoyed this article because it answered the question I would like to know if I saw President Obama at Five Guys, namely, what's Obama's favorite burger? To answer this question, the article explains that Obama prefers his Five Guys cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, jalapeno peppers and mustard. While I have yet to order The Obama, my friend Gabe managed to order one when I took him to Five Guys this week. He took one bite and told me that the burger tasted like change.

I never thought chain food could taste this good. Five Guys Burgers and Fries can be found in forty US states and five Canadian provinces. I can't vouch for every single location, but I can vouch for the following location(s):

Five Guys Burgers and Fries - Fishers
11670 Commercial Dr. Suite 600
Fishers, IN 46038

Five Guys Burgers and Fries - Hulen Corner

4833 S. Hulen Street

Fort Worth, TX 76132

Off the Bone BBQ

Off the Bone BBQ is the second barbecue restaurant in Fort Worth that I've chosen to put my good name behind. Like the first (Jesus BBQ), Off the Bone ought not to be judged by its outward appearance. It looks like a gas station turned restaurant turned abandoned building, but it is actually a great restaurant that serves the best ribs I've ever had in Fort Worth.

Before I even got my food, I was pleased with Off the Bone BBQ and that's because of the friendly service of one employee who exemplified all I used to strive for when I worked in concessions, fast food and retail. He was genial and charming, the kind of guy who cares about what you have to say and remembers you the next time you come in. Furthermore, he was keen on making sure we got our money's worth by emphasizing that we ought to take advantage of their free refills policy. I remember sitting down at the table before I received my order and despite my growling stomach I felt pleased. This one counter worker hooked me before I could even make a judgment regarding the quality of food. He did his job so well that I was already looking forward to coming back to Off the Bone in the future.

When we received our food, I was doubly prepared to return to Off the Bone. The ribs were fantastic. The meat fell "off the bone" (so it's not just a clever name). It was smoked and tender with a light char. I am no rib connoisseur, but my senses told me that I had just encountered something great. Luckily I was dining with a real rib pro, Gabe Pfefer, a Missourian familiar with the barbecue culture of Kansas City who with his vast knowledge affirmed all of my exclamations. These ribs are certifiably good. They're Facebook official.

I would also suggest experimenting with the sides. A rib dinner comes with Texas toast and two sides. It's a good sized meal with a lot of options for supplementary great taste.

I paraphrase the Men's Warehouse guy in saying, "You're going to love Off the Bone BBQ. I guarantee it."

Off the Bone BBQ

5144 Mansfield Hwy

Forest Hill, TX 76119

Rudy's Bar-B-Q

There is something about Rudy's Bar-B-Q that is really unsettling to many Texans. Sure, you'll find your ordinary average Rudy's full to the brim with Texas natives, but there's something else going on. Whenever I talk about how much I love Rudy's there is always a group of naysayers. "The thing about College Station is," they say, or, "The thing about Fort Worth is," or, "The thing about [City in Texas] is that we don't really need a Rudy's because we have so many other places to get great barbecue." Sometimes people even name the particular restaurants that they are referring to. Most times they don't. I investigate, and for some reason I keep coming back to Rudy's.

For me, this is like an X-File. It is something that someone from far away has to come into town and investigate. I take the role of Agent Fox Mulder, of course. I get the lay of the land. I come to understand the locals. I solve the crime. As you can imagine, this undertaking involves eating at every single Rudy's Bar-B-Q, even the ones in New Mexico and Colorado. It involves eating everything on the menu. It involves getting into the minds of those Texans who resent Rudy's. I've only been to about a quarter of all the Rudy's Bar-B-Qs in this great nation and I've only lived in Texas for two and a half years, so all of my findings will have to be considered provisional.

Rudy's is the home of the best meat I've ever tasted in Texas. Their brisket is slow-cooked and savory, needing nothing to garnish it. But their garnishes are some of the best I've ever tasted. Their Bar-B-Q "Sause" comes in two flavors, Original and Sissy. I recommend the Original --- it's just a little bit spicier. They also have their own special variation on cracked pepper, which I've found to really complement the meat. Food is sold by the pound or half-pound. (You can order sandwiches, but you get a whole lot more for your money ordering the meat.) With any order of meat, you are given as many slices of bread as you need. I got a whole loaf the other day from one particular rebel without a cause. A half pound of brisket makes for four sandwiches, which brings about two savory results: 1. I can eat one sandwich with the naked meat, one with barbecue sauce, one with barbecue sauce and pepper, and the final one with barbecue sauce, pepper and pickles, and 2. I will enter into a food coma as soon as I get home and sleep like a baby.

One in twenty of the so-called great barbecue joints in Texas end up truly tasting great whereas every Rudy's location I've ever been to is amazing. Why do Texans boast of everything but Rudy's? I could suggest a theory, but it's more likely that it would piss off all my Texas friends than actually explain anything. Why do Texans boast about anything? Do they learn it in school? From their parents? I don't know. Probably all of those things. What I do know is that Rudy's makes some great barbecue, and the following is a list of my favorite Rudy's locations:

Rudy's Bar-B-Q - College Station, TX

504 Harvey Road

College Station, TX 77840

Rudy's Bar-B-Q - Corpus Christi, TX

6101 South Padre Island Drive

Corpus Christi, TX 78412

Rudy's Bar-B-Q - Denton, TX

520 Interstate 35 Frontage Rd

Denton, TX 76205

Rudy's Bar-B-Q - Waco, TX

2510 Circle Rd

Waco, TX 76706

Czech Stop

You won't find West, Texas (not to be confused with the region West Texas or the city George West, Texas) on every map of Texas. If you do find West on a map, I would have no trouble believing that it is because of the Czech Stop. The Czech Stop is one of the true gems of Texas, one of two places I suggest above all others to those who come to Texas. (The other place is Rudy's Bar-B-Q.) In the town of West you'll find little more than the Czech Stop and Little Czech Bakery, but I'll have you know that Czech Stop is enough.

What's so great about the Czech Stop? It's the home of some of the magnificent baked goods I have ever experienced, Czech delights known as kolaches and klobasneks. The difference between the two is that kolaches (lemon, cherry, blueberry, apricot) are usually filled with fruit whereas klobasneks are filled with some combination of meat and cheese (sausage, sausage and cheese, "hots," jalapeno sausage with cheese).

I first ate at the Czech Stop on the way to a mission trip in Harlingen, Texas in the Southeastern tip of Texas, and have made sure that I've stopped there every chance I've had since then. I've warned everyone I know who has traveled through West to get off and get themselves some kolaches. I wish everyone could experience the Czech Stop. I've never had a kolache or klobasnek that I didn't love. There have been some that I've loved more than others. My favorite items from my most recent trip to Czech Stop were the pumpkin and cream cheese kolache (possibly a seasonal treat) and the sausage and kraut klobasnek with swiss cheese. I suggest that you drop by Czech Stop and stock up on a variety of kolaches and klobasneks. I have a tendency to buy them not as a meal but as road trip and video gaming snacks. Whenever you eat them, these Czech treats will not disappoint.

Czech Stop

105 N. College Ave.

West, TX 76691

Jesus BBQ

When I first moved to Fort Worth from nearby Denton, Texas, my first complaint was that Fort Worth does not have a Rudy's Bar-B-Q. I don't want to tell you too much about Rudy's for fear of spoiling an upcoming blog post, but it's a really good regional chain of barbecue restaurants with some of the best meat I've ever tasted. The common response from Fort Worth natives is that Fort Worth has so many amazing barbecue restaurants that they don't need a Rudy's. I, of course, responded by asking where these amazing barbecue joints were. Most people were unable to come up with an answer, and those who did directed me to subpar and occasionally decent barbecue. It took me well over a year of looking for good barbecue in Fort Worth before I encountered Jesus BBQ.

Jesus BBQ is located South of downtown Fort Worth. It is on the South side, with the visuals that one would imagine while listening to the Moby song (possibly featuring Gwen Stefani) of the same name. The area is run down. You can imagine people with "weapons in hand as [they] go for a ride." Everything, including Jesus BBQ, looks abandoned in this part of town. It would be so easy to walk by Jesus BBQ and never once step inside, because the building looks like the places in movies where mobsters and drug dealers do their business. If I hadn't read up on Jesus BBQ I think I'd have steered clear for fear of two large men throwing me out in much the same way that Uncle Phil always threw out Jazzy Jeff on Fresh Prince.

The menu at Jesus BBQ has mostly Mexican dishes, but also specialty barbecue items (linke, ribs, beef) and the highly recommended Tex-Mex special Taco de Barbacoa. I have been hearing of the wonders of Barbacoa tacos for weeks now, quite often in reference to Jesus BBQ, so I felt heavily inclined to choose the Barbacoa tacos. I was not let down. The Barbacoa taco was basically a soft tortilla filled with some of the best chopped brisket I have ever tasted. When they were served to me dry, I found myself disappointed, because I imagined they would be served with a sweet barbecue sauce. Upon eating, however, I found that the mixture of peppers that the brisket was cooked and served with gave the meat an interesting spicy seasoning that made barbecue sauce unnecessary.

Don't be too afraid of the surroundings to check out Jesus BBQ. At the same time, don't be so confident in your safety that you don't lock your car while you dine. The Jesus BBQ Taco de Barbacoa is one of the great gems of Fort Worth, Texas. Don't miss it.

Jesus BBQ

810 S. Main St.

Fort Worth, TX 76104

Yucatan Taco Stand

When it comes to Mexican, Tex-Mex, and Barbecue I've found a certain level of Hubris in Fort Worth. There is this resounding belief that if it comes from Fort Worth, Texas (read as The Wild Wild West) it's got to be better than anywhere else in the world. It's the old Pace Picante Sauce commercial sort of dichotomy: The South/West is good, The North/East is bad ("New York City?!?!?!"). An unfortunate result of this fact is that it sometimes seems like restaurants just aren't trying. I've found better burgers in Fort Worth than anything else.

I honestly don't think that Yucatan Taco Stand boasts of these same things. The reason I say this is because it's fairly clear to me that they are focused on making good, solid food that fills you up and tastes better than elsewhere. I think the Taco Stand comes into the game with the same standards as a Mexican restaurant in Michigan might. They feel like they have to prove that they can make great Mexican food, and as a result, they do. It's easily the best Mexican I've had in Fort Worth to date.

Personally, I'm a sucker for the Burrito filled with Spicy, Aged Chorizo. It honestly doesn't look like anything you couldn't get at Chipotle or Q'Doba, but it tastes wonderful. You have the option of getting it [ ] white or [x] wheat, and also between [ ] Red (Mild), [ ] Green (Medium), and [x] Habanero (Stupid) spices. I recommend getting a beverage also, because this is a restaurant where spicy actually means spicy. All burritos are filled with Chihuahua cheese, queso fresco, tomato, red onion, cilantro and roasted garlic aioli sauce.

One of these days I'm going to try the nachos, but I have to admit that it seems like something of a daunting task. I've seen the nachos placed in front of other customers and it's one of the largest nacho plates I've ever seen in my life. When I do order the nachos, I need to be fully ready to devote a weekend to it.

Yucatan Taco Stand - Magnolia

909 West Magnolia

Fort Worth, TX 76104

Yucatan Taco Stand - Southlake

2801 East Southlake Blvd

Southlake, TX 76092

Yucatan Taco Stand - Frisco

2809 Preston Rd.

Frisco, TX 75034

Bombay Cuisine

I used to go to Bombay Cuisine when I was in high school. The parents of my friend Monica owned the place and two or three of my friends worked there. It was impossible to get a sense of how fine their cuisine was back then considering all I ever ate at restaurants was hamburgers. The only real memory of Bombay I have from back then was when a waiter made a joke to which I responded, "Haha. Charade you are." He called out my Pink Floyd reference and we had a long discussion about the best Floyd album out there, Animals, an album that I'd been listening to pretty obsessively at the time.

A couple weeks ago I was hanging out in my friend Joe's basement and this amazing smell wafted down the stairs. We don't go upstairs at Joe's. There's no really good reason. We just don't do it. But what I determined from my frightened position at the base of the stairs was that Joe's parents had possibly made some Indian food. Whether or not my hypothesis was correct, one thing remained true: I had a strong desire to eat some good Indian food. This began an inquiry that lead me back to Bombay Cuisine.

When I returned to Bombay Cuisine my head was full of question marks. I had no idea if the restaurant still belonged to the family of my good friend. I also had no idea how to approximate the taste of the food I smelled at Joe's parent's house according to the words I was seeing. This was not a problem, because the waitress basically explained the entire menu to us in a quick and succinct fashion. She provided a program that allowed me to process the fragmented and conflicting data in my brain. She said nothing about Pink Floyd, but she did give me confidence that I was going to love this experience.

I ordered the Lamb Vindaloo, a spicy dish that mixes lamb and potatoes with a tamarind sauce. It was a magnificent mix of sweet and spicy that left me feeling satisfied to the point of enlightenment. (No, this is not an Indian joke; it is an apt description of my feelings after eating the Lamb Vindaloo.) The naan bread that we ordered with our meals was tasty as well. I used mine to wipe up the Vindaloo sauce.

When I returned to Bombay Cuisine to take pictures for this blog entry, I was greeted by an old friend. His name is Dave and he's engaged to my friend Monica. Bombay Cuisine, it seems, is still in the good, caring hands of people I adore, and that makes me happy. It's a two-fold happiness. First, I am happy that I came to understand how amazing the food was before I could be biased by the love of my friends who run the place. Second, I am happy to find that I am in love with and wish to promote via my blog the business of a group of people that I adore.

You should go to Bombay Cuisine for the food. I can't guarantee that there's anyone knowledgeable about Pink Floyd albums there, but I can guarantee that there is at least one person on the payroll who knows a whole lot about Frank Zappa. So there's your second reason for going.

Bombay Cuisine

1420 Lake Drive SE

Grand Rapids, MI 49506

American Coney Island

As soon as I realized that the food at American Coney Island in Detroit was blog-worthy, I began questioning what the purpose of such a blog post would be. (Yes, I use the word blog-worthy in conversation, and no, I don't think it makes me a loser.) American Coney Island and it's next-door neighbor Lafayette Coney Island have already been rated by just about everyone on the Food Network and the Travel Channel as a couple of the best restaurants in the nation. One blog post isn't going to do much good for this place compared to national television coverage.

But then I realized that there is a possibility that people exist who are loyal to this blog and not to the Food Network or the Travel Channel, people who would never have heard of this place without this very post, and I felt justified. It's like one of those episodes of Spider-Man where he's just about to hang up the mask until he meets a little girl who restores his faith in humanity and reminds him of why he's fighting the good fight. This blog post is me returning to the good fight.

If you're going to Detroit, put American Coney Island on your itinerary. I'm sure Lafayette is good for completely different reasons, but after a filling meal at American I wasn't about to wander next door and make myself sick. As I learned on the recent season of the hit television program Community, it's possible that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Amy and I had what the waiter called "The Special." It wasn't on the menu, but it's possible that it's the same as the Coney Island Hot Dog. It's a hot dog topped with ground beef, Coney Island chili sauce, onions and mustard. The dogs here have a slightly tougher outside than at most hotdog places, making them snap when you bite into them. It's a great taste.

The waiter also suckered us into ordering some Chili Cheese Fries to split. We were very happy with this subtle coercion, because they tasted amazing.

On the way out I was struck with the quality of food at this simple hot dog restaurant. How is it possible that food like this could taste so good? That's when it came to me. Like a sign.

I guess it wasn't like a sign. It was a sign. American Coney Island is Preferred By the Gods. Now, whether it's preferred by the gods because it's so good or it's so good because it's preferred by the gods is another matter. We'll leave that one to Euthyphro. Am I right? (Funny. Ancient Greek jokes never seem to go over very well. Maybe that's why I always feel so sick standing at the mic at amateur comedy night.) It's our job to find and devour good food.

I've found it. It's your turn to devour it.

American Coney Island

114 W. Lafayette

Detroit, MI 48226

Schnitz World Famous Deli

I don't mean to sound like a snob, but having lived in New York City for a year and getting to know the amazing sandwich cuisine of the East Coast I found myself skeptical about this Delicatessen known as Schnitz in Ada, Michigan. I found myself happily surprised. Schnitz Deli understands the most important fact of sandwich making. You have to just pile on the delectable deli meat. Every sandwich needs to be much taller than one would imagine. You have to either stretch your mouth to its largest capacity in order to take a bite of such a sandwich or find some strategic methodology of taking the beast apart. That's how you make a sandwich.

The people at Schnitz must have understood this fact long before I did, because their sandwiches are spectacular. It's become one of my favorite restaurants in the greater Grand Rapids area.

I imagine all of the Schnitz sandwiches are heroic in taste. Unfortunately, I have not been able to taste them all because I am hooked on the Evan's Double Dip, one of Schnitz's many variations on the classic Reuben recipe with corned beef, cole slaw, swiss cheese, pastrami, sauerkraut and 1,000 island dressing on rye bread. The sandwich is enormous, which means there's a good chance you won't be able to finish it in one sitting. Here's the good news: Schnitz offers to-go boxes and the Evan's Double Dip is just as good the next day.

There are three locations of Schnitz World Famous Deli in the greater Grand Rapids area:

Schnitz Deli

1315 E. Fulton St.

Grand Rapids, MI 49503

Schnitz South Deli

1529 Langley St. SE

Grand Rapids, MI 49508

Schnitz Ada Grill

597 Ada Dr. SE

Ada, MI 49301

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UPDATE:

On a recent trip to Schnitz, I found that the meat loaf and nachos are also amazing. That said, if you've ever gone to Schnitz and have never eaten the Evan's Double Dip you've done yourself a disservice.

Skeeter's World Famous Hot Dogs

(NOTE: By the time I made it to Skeeter's in Wytheville, Virginia, the 6 in "OVER 6 MILLION SOLD" had been crossed off and replaced with a 9.)

Off the highway in Wytheville, Virginia one finds a series of signs leading to various restaurants. Like most towns, the big chain restaurants have amazing coverage. But there was one restaurant that seemed out of place: Skeeter's World Famous Hot Dogs. I'd never heard of the restaurant, but for some reason I was passionately driven to eat there. The restaurant was several miles from the exit and it took several turns to get there. Normally, my response to this would be: "Never mind. Let's just go to Burger King. I need some more Twilight game pieces." But no! Not this time. I was intrigued by Skeeter's.

What I didn't know was that this Skeeter's is ground zero from which a larger chain had sprung. When we walked inside, my mother started talking about how it reminded me of the inside of her father's Mobile Station when she was a child in the '50s and '60s.

When I first looked at the menu the first thing that stood out was the Slaw Dog, a hot dog with mustard, onion, chili and slaw. Immediately afterward I was taken by The Works, which is basically a Slaw Dog with cheese. Those of you who know me will find this weird. Those of you who don't know me ought to know that I have always detested coleslaw in every form it has ever come at me. The reason I became excited about slaw in this instance can be explained by a defect in the wiring of my brain. I read the word "slaw," but through some crazy psychic game of telephone the word had transformed into "kraut" when it reached my brain. This wouldn't be so strange if it were an isolated incident, but after the fact my good friend Adam attested to this same mix-up in his own thought process.

When I recommend the Slaw Dog and The Works to you as some of the best hot dogs you'll ever consume, you'll understand that it's good enough to overcome my hatred of coleslaw. Slaw, I was told by my brother's girlfriend Kristin, is a different thing in the South, with factions fighting a Civil War over the proper way of making it. ("THE SLAW WILL RISE AGAIN!") It was no longer some concoction of terrible preserved vegetables mixed in a plastic bin with disgusting smelling mayonnaise and sugar. (I used to have to prepare coleslaw when I worked at a Chicken Express in Denton, Texas. One of the worst jobs I've ever performed.) It had become something that added a little bit of twang to a spectacular hot dog.

Skeeter's World Famous Hot Dogs

165 E. Main St.

Wytheville, VA 24382

The Winchester

I'll get to the point. The Winchester is the home to the best hamburger I've ever eaten in the greater Grand Rapids area. I have an open mind, so please give me suggestions of places where I might find better food than those listed on my blog. Also, keep in mind that I've lived in this area for over 20 years, and even when I've lived out of town I've spent my summers in this town. I should hopefully know where to get a good burger by now.

It's called the Tavern Burger. The ground beef is farmed locally. It's topped with chipotle aioli and haystack onions and served on French bread. I followed my little lady's suggestion and chose gouda as my cheese and requested egg on top. It was the first time I'd had an egg on my burger since eating at Love Shack in the Fort Worth Stockyards, and I really have to say that egg is a great addition to any burger. The burger is served with delicious plaintain chips, and if you're anything like me, the whole meal is gone within moments.

The Winchester

648 Wealthy SE

Grand Rapids, MI 49503

Yesterdog

So far as I know, Yesterdog is the only restaurant in Grand Rapids, Michigan that people across the nation and perhaps the planet may know of. If you need evidence, all you need to do is set foot in the door. For as long as I can remember, the walls of Yesterdog have been covered with pictures of people wearing Yesterdog t-shirts while exploring the vast world beyond its wall: The Great Wall of China, The Colliseum, Delaware...

I find it hard to believe that there exists a person in West Michigan who doesn't have some amazing experience from visiting Yesterdog. One of my favorite days of my youth was going to Yesterdog with my good friends Elliot Mayo and Dave Rogers only to hear a lippy Yesterdog employee berate a man who changed his order some five times after his food was cooked. The employee repeatedly called this man a RENOB, which I later learned was the word BONER backwards.

Yesterdog is good, cheap and sloppy. Something something something my women. Am I right?

Possibly the best creation to come out of Yesterdog is called the Ultradog. It's a hotdog with chili, cheese, onions, pickles, ketchup and mustard. I often order a couple of these and satisfy my adult fixation on sauerkraut with a Krautdog. While perusing Yesterdog's web site, however, I found that there is an elusive hotdog called the Killerdog which is essentially an Ultradog with sauerkraut. If this dog really exists I cannot know. It certainly has never made its way to the wooden board that I order from. This would be the best kept secret in Grand Rapids were it for real.

Yesterdog

1505 Wealthy St. SE

Grand Rapids, MI 49506