Nick's BBQ and Catfish

I once suggested to my friend Sam from Arkansas that there is only one real city in his home state. It is called Little Rock, and beyond its city limits is a wasteland of hypermorality (or, as I say, moral fixation) and hypocivilization. I found out recently, however, that the city of Carlisle, Arkansas is real, and if not that then at the very least the infamous restaurant known as Nick's BBQ and Catfish (advertised for up to 100 miles in either direction on billboards along I-40).

The wait staff is, as far as I was able to witness, entirely comprised of women in their 20s who call their patrons "baby" and "honey." This is a smart move, considering that Nick's caters to truck drivers, who are stereotypically understood to be adult males, lonely and weary from long hours of driving. The HD television in the back corner seems out of place as the plot of USA's Burn Notice (characters welcome) plays out predictably.

While the brisket and catfish (or catfood, according to a slip of the tongue I made while reading the billboard) are tauted, the slow smoked wood fire ribs are my reason for recommending Nick's. I don't know that anything more needs to be said regarding Nick's ribs save that the tender meat falls off the bone, revealing a smokey and satisfying taste.

There was once a time when my drive from Fort Worth to Grand Rapids lead me through Oklahoma City, Wichita and St. Louis. I now travel through Memphis, Nashville and Indianapolis, but before I get to those cities I make a pit stop in Carlisle for some exquisite ribs.

Nick's BBQ and Catfish

1012 North Bankhead Drive

Highway 13 North

Carlisle, AR 72024

Off the Bone BBQ

Off the Bone BBQ is the second barbecue restaurant in Fort Worth that I've chosen to put my good name behind. Like the first (Jesus BBQ), Off the Bone ought not to be judged by its outward appearance. It looks like a gas station turned restaurant turned abandoned building, but it is actually a great restaurant that serves the best ribs I've ever had in Fort Worth.

Before I even got my food, I was pleased with Off the Bone BBQ and that's because of the friendly service of one employee who exemplified all I used to strive for when I worked in concessions, fast food and retail. He was genial and charming, the kind of guy who cares about what you have to say and remembers you the next time you come in. Furthermore, he was keen on making sure we got our money's worth by emphasizing that we ought to take advantage of their free refills policy. I remember sitting down at the table before I received my order and despite my growling stomach I felt pleased. This one counter worker hooked me before I could even make a judgment regarding the quality of food. He did his job so well that I was already looking forward to coming back to Off the Bone in the future.

When we received our food, I was doubly prepared to return to Off the Bone. The ribs were fantastic. The meat fell "off the bone" (so it's not just a clever name). It was smoked and tender with a light char. I am no rib connoisseur, but my senses told me that I had just encountered something great. Luckily I was dining with a real rib pro, Gabe Pfefer, a Missourian familiar with the barbecue culture of Kansas City who with his vast knowledge affirmed all of my exclamations. These ribs are certifiably good. They're Facebook official.

I would also suggest experimenting with the sides. A rib dinner comes with Texas toast and two sides. It's a good sized meal with a lot of options for supplementary great taste.

I paraphrase the Men's Warehouse guy in saying, "You're going to love Off the Bone BBQ. I guarantee it."

Off the Bone BBQ

5144 Mansfield Hwy

Forest Hill, TX 76119

Rudy's Bar-B-Q

There is something about Rudy's Bar-B-Q that is really unsettling to many Texans. Sure, you'll find your ordinary average Rudy's full to the brim with Texas natives, but there's something else going on. Whenever I talk about how much I love Rudy's there is always a group of naysayers. "The thing about College Station is," they say, or, "The thing about Fort Worth is," or, "The thing about [City in Texas] is that we don't really need a Rudy's because we have so many other places to get great barbecue." Sometimes people even name the particular restaurants that they are referring to. Most times they don't. I investigate, and for some reason I keep coming back to Rudy's.

For me, this is like an X-File. It is something that someone from far away has to come into town and investigate. I take the role of Agent Fox Mulder, of course. I get the lay of the land. I come to understand the locals. I solve the crime. As you can imagine, this undertaking involves eating at every single Rudy's Bar-B-Q, even the ones in New Mexico and Colorado. It involves eating everything on the menu. It involves getting into the minds of those Texans who resent Rudy's. I've only been to about a quarter of all the Rudy's Bar-B-Qs in this great nation and I've only lived in Texas for two and a half years, so all of my findings will have to be considered provisional.

Rudy's is the home of the best meat I've ever tasted in Texas. Their brisket is slow-cooked and savory, needing nothing to garnish it. But their garnishes are some of the best I've ever tasted. Their Bar-B-Q "Sause" comes in two flavors, Original and Sissy. I recommend the Original --- it's just a little bit spicier. They also have their own special variation on cracked pepper, which I've found to really complement the meat. Food is sold by the pound or half-pound. (You can order sandwiches, but you get a whole lot more for your money ordering the meat.) With any order of meat, you are given as many slices of bread as you need. I got a whole loaf the other day from one particular rebel without a cause. A half pound of brisket makes for four sandwiches, which brings about two savory results: 1. I can eat one sandwich with the naked meat, one with barbecue sauce, one with barbecue sauce and pepper, and the final one with barbecue sauce, pepper and pickles, and 2. I will enter into a food coma as soon as I get home and sleep like a baby.

One in twenty of the so-called great barbecue joints in Texas end up truly tasting great whereas every Rudy's location I've ever been to is amazing. Why do Texans boast of everything but Rudy's? I could suggest a theory, but it's more likely that it would piss off all my Texas friends than actually explain anything. Why do Texans boast about anything? Do they learn it in school? From their parents? I don't know. Probably all of those things. What I do know is that Rudy's makes some great barbecue, and the following is a list of my favorite Rudy's locations:

Rudy's Bar-B-Q - College Station, TX

504 Harvey Road

College Station, TX 77840

Rudy's Bar-B-Q - Corpus Christi, TX

6101 South Padre Island Drive

Corpus Christi, TX 78412

Rudy's Bar-B-Q - Denton, TX

520 Interstate 35 Frontage Rd

Denton, TX 76205

Rudy's Bar-B-Q - Waco, TX

2510 Circle Rd

Waco, TX 76706

Jesus BBQ

When I first moved to Fort Worth from nearby Denton, Texas, my first complaint was that Fort Worth does not have a Rudy's Bar-B-Q. I don't want to tell you too much about Rudy's for fear of spoiling an upcoming blog post, but it's a really good regional chain of barbecue restaurants with some of the best meat I've ever tasted. The common response from Fort Worth natives is that Fort Worth has so many amazing barbecue restaurants that they don't need a Rudy's. I, of course, responded by asking where these amazing barbecue joints were. Most people were unable to come up with an answer, and those who did directed me to subpar and occasionally decent barbecue. It took me well over a year of looking for good barbecue in Fort Worth before I encountered Jesus BBQ.

Jesus BBQ is located South of downtown Fort Worth. It is on the South side, with the visuals that one would imagine while listening to the Moby song (possibly featuring Gwen Stefani) of the same name. The area is run down. You can imagine people with "weapons in hand as [they] go for a ride." Everything, including Jesus BBQ, looks abandoned in this part of town. It would be so easy to walk by Jesus BBQ and never once step inside, because the building looks like the places in movies where mobsters and drug dealers do their business. If I hadn't read up on Jesus BBQ I think I'd have steered clear for fear of two large men throwing me out in much the same way that Uncle Phil always threw out Jazzy Jeff on Fresh Prince.

The menu at Jesus BBQ has mostly Mexican dishes, but also specialty barbecue items (linke, ribs, beef) and the highly recommended Tex-Mex special Taco de Barbacoa. I have been hearing of the wonders of Barbacoa tacos for weeks now, quite often in reference to Jesus BBQ, so I felt heavily inclined to choose the Barbacoa tacos. I was not let down. The Barbacoa taco was basically a soft tortilla filled with some of the best chopped brisket I have ever tasted. When they were served to me dry, I found myself disappointed, because I imagined they would be served with a sweet barbecue sauce. Upon eating, however, I found that the mixture of peppers that the brisket was cooked and served with gave the meat an interesting spicy seasoning that made barbecue sauce unnecessary.

Don't be too afraid of the surroundings to check out Jesus BBQ. At the same time, don't be so confident in your safety that you don't lock your car while you dine. The Jesus BBQ Taco de Barbacoa is one of the great gems of Fort Worth, Texas. Don't miss it.

Jesus BBQ

810 S. Main St.

Fort Worth, TX 76104

Slows Bar- B-Q

For my beautiful girlfriend's birthday, we traveled across the state of Michigan in order to go to Slows Bar-B-Q in Detroit, a restaurant she'd seen on the Food Network. Having lived in Texas for two years, I was the self-proclaimed judge of whether or not this was real Barbecue.

Like I said, I've lived in Texas for two years. What I've learned while in Texas is that a measure of a Barbecue joint's authenticity is their brisket. A good brisket should be slow cooked, something that you can tell if you've had enough practice eating brisket. Slows Texas Style Beef Brisket was just that. The next thing a good Barbecue joint should have is good sides. The Mac-N-Cheese was magnificent, but the real test of their sides was the quality of Mom's Green Beans. I would have liked to try their Cornbread, but there was a shortage that day.

My verdict, in case you couldn't tell, is that you can definitely get authentic barbecue at Slows in Detroit. All y'all Northerners should consider heading over there, because it's certainly cheaper than driving all the way to Texas. (However, if you choose to drive to Texas for it, drop me a line: I might need a ride back to school in August.)

SLOWS BAR-B-Q

2138 Michigan Ave.

Detroit, MI 48216