Borderlands: Claptrap's New Robot Revolution DLC

I only have three more achievements until I have completed all of the achievements in Borderlands. All three achievements take place in Claptrap's New Robot Revolution, and all three require that I slaughter masses upon masses of rebellious robots, pick through the junk pile of their clanky corpses, and find the following items: oil cans, bobbleheads, panties, bags of fish, and slices of pizza. What will I do when I have completed these comical challenges? Well, hopefully Borderlands 2 will be out by then.

A Guide to Video Game Lingo 11

1. Rare Drop (noun) - an item that has a low probability of appearing.

"I can't believe you keep getting rare drop pearlescent weapons every time you beat Krawmerax. I've killed him thirty times and never seen anything above an orange."

2. Exploit (noun) - a bug or design flaw in a video game that allows a player to gain an unintended advantage.

"I got most of my best weapons from the armory exploit."

3. Item Dupe (noun) - a bug or design flaw in a video game that allows a player to create duplicates of items or currency.

"He figured out an item dupe, so now he never has to worry about money anymore."

A Guide to Video Game Lingo 9

1. Nerf (verb) - to change a video game that reduces the desirability or effectiveness of a particular video game feature.

"In the new patch, Blizzard nerfed the Rogue class."

2. Ding (noun) - a word used to describe the gaining of a level in a RPG game.

"Ding. Now I can upgrade my skills."

3. Toon (noun) - another name for a character in a RPG game.

"The server went down and I lost all my tunes."

Borderlands: Zombie Island of Dr. Ned DLC

When I first devoted myself to PC gaming, there were two games that I really wanted to play: Borderlands and Left 4 Dead (the original; those characters are way better than in the second game). In a strange way, Borderlands: Zombie Island of Dr. Ned combined the two fantastic games. I love zombies, and I love the sci-fi comedy of Borderlands. According to the simple algebra of things I like, I am in love with Zombie Island of Dr. Ned. Headshot. Headshot. Headshot.

Borderlands: The Secret Armory of General Knoxx DLC

Borderlands provided me with a fair share of difficult bosses. Consider Marley and Moe, for example, two overpowered skag bosses that are horrendous when you are low-leveled and playing solo. (The key, I've found, is to keep the little skags alive. Sure, they'll winnow away at your HP, but they're quick kills, which ensures a Second Wind every time.) Consider Skagzilla, another overpowered skag boss who has, more than once, survived longer than all the ammunition in my arsenal. (This is where action skills come in handy, and let's not forget buffs that heal and regenerate ammunition.) Consider not the end boss, but the army of Guardians lining the mountainside leading up to the vault. (Shock weapons destroy their shields while shotguns and automatic weapons assure that your bullets make contact with speedy alien flesh.) But how does any of this compare with the optional boss in The Secret Armory of General Knoxx DLC named Krawmerax or to the latter arena matches in the Circle of Duty quest-line? Of course, for those brave enough to complete either the Krawmerax or Circle of Duty challenges, there are ample rewards. Tons of great equipment. A guaranteed level for whatever weapon you are holding the moment Krawmerax dies. And let's not forget: Bragging rights. Not everyone is bold enough to follow up on these side quests.

A Guide to Video Game Lingo 8

1. Splash Damage (noun) - also known as radius damage; damage taken by players or objects in the area surrounding a point of weapon impact, most commonly by explosive or magic damage.

"If you blow up the barrel you can take out all three with the splash damage."

2. Strafing (verb) - to move a character from side to side while facing an opponent in order to dodge incoming fire and return fire effectively.

"Don't just stand still and take aim. Try strafing."

3. Knockback (noun) - also known as punting; an effect whereby an enemy is lifted off the ground and/or pushed away a certain distance

"I'm dying over here. Get this mob off of me with your knockback ability."

Borderlands 2 Trailer

Borderlands

I had intended to write a heartfelt essay on my completion of Borderlands titled either "Twilight Over Pandora" or "Farewell, Pandora," or some other purposely melodramatic title, but I always felt that there would be more to Borderlands. Claptrap's New Robot Revolution was released on September 28, 2010 as the last Borderlands DLC, and it tied up the overarching story in a really satisfying way.

And yet I'm still not satisfied. What is it going to take for me to be satisfied with Borderlands? Do I need to get one of each of the rarest weapons? Do I need to find every single secret location? Must I have the most powerful character or accomplish the fastest speed run?

I can never be satisfied with Borderlands. I can never complete Borderlands and move on. Borderlands is one of the few works of art (LOST, Pink Floyd's The Wall, etc.) that I just cannot shake. Pandora is one of the alternate dimensions of my mind, and it never really sleeps. It never sees its twilight.

I may yet write, "Twilight Over Pandora." I just need some perspective. I just need some time.

Postcard 2010: PC Gaming

I had been to my share of LAN parties where a network cable was all I needed to connect my computer to a bunch of great friends and play video games for hours. I would spend hours playing video games and then I would go the rest of the year without thinking about starting up Warcraft III: Frozen Throne or Counter-Strike: Source. Meanwhile, good friends like Stephan, Adam and Joe were playing video games all year round. The difference in skill level between me and these other boys was gigantic, and quite often it just made playing certain video games no longer fun.

At the end of 2009, the digital content delivery service known as Steam had its first big post-holidays sale. Interesting games I'd seen friends playing in Stephan's basement were now available for incredibly low prices. I could play the same games that my friends were playing only it would cost me 20 to 40 percent of the price. At the holiday LAN of 2009 I had made up my mind: 2010 would be the year when I went gung ho into PC gaming, and particularly first person shooter. The week prior to 2010 I spent stockpiling fantastic video games for dirt cheap.

While I found myself playing a whole lot of different games, Team Fortress 2, Bioshock, Left 4 Dead, and Left 4 Dead 2 being among my favorites, it was the quirky FPS Borderlands and its brilliantly crafted DLC Zombie Island of Dr. Ned, The Secret Armory of General Knoxx, and Claptrap's New Robot Revolution that made it easy to make good on my promise to get into PC gaming. I could start up the game in Fort Worth, Texas, hook up my head set, and find myself in the company of my good friends Adam (College Station, Texas), Derek (Grand Rapids, Michigan) and Stephan (Corpus Christi, Texas). While gaming, the world that I had known prior to leaving Michigan wasn't all that far away any more.

LANs became different. I could keep up with my friends, both when it comes to computer hardware and game performance. Over Christmas, I played a CS: Source gun game mod with six or seven friends in which I was neck in neck with Joe, who had probably logged more hours of gaming in 2010 then everyone in the room combined. Rather than simply forgetting about PC gaming after the holiday LAN, I found myself trying to deal with difficult gaming quandaries such as which game to play after Borderlands (no good answer yet) and whether to subscribe to DC Universe Online or Star Wars: The Old Republic in 2011 (hopefully both, but at different times).

Akinator, the Web Genius

Think of somebody, real or fictional, human or otherwise, some sort of character or being or whatever. Akinator asks you a series of questions and then almost always guesses exactly who you are thinking of, no matter how obscure and nerdy your character is. The first time I used Akinator I decided to stump him by choosing Die Fledermaus, the superhero from the hit Saturday morning cartoon, The Tick. He asked a series of questions, none of them really pertaining to my character. I was certain that I had stumped Akinator. Almost immediately, he guessed "Die Fledermaus." It was magnificent. It's really hard to stump Akinator, and it's really fun to try. Check out Akinator, the Web Genius here.

Come back to this blog and post your character and whether or not Akinator was able to identify it. Here's a list of my attempts:

Die Fledermaus (The Tick) - CORRECT!
Jacques Derrida - STUMPED!
Felicia Day - CORRECT!
Descartes' Evil Genius - STUMPED!
Claptrap (Borderlands) - CORRECT!
The Great Daryl Nathan - STUMPED!
Bork (Muppets) - CORRECT!
Vi (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) - CORRECT!
Brand (Game of Thrones) - CORRECT!
Matt Buchanan (Terminator [we incorrectly thought his name was Brad, but it did not change the answers we gave Akinator]) - STUMPED!
Rusty Collins (X-Factor) - STUMPED!

God Hates Skags

A little while ago, you may remember the response of the people of the San Diego Comic Con to the hate-filled Phelpsite protesters. Steam recently linked the community of gamers to this image from the popular game Borderlands, describing the people of Westboro Baptist Church as hatemongers. Good work, gamers. Maybe the rest of the world will catch up.

If you don't understand the parody, then you need to play Borderlands. More on Borderlands here.

4 Video Games From Which A Justin Tiemeyer Can Be Constructed

(In chronological order)

1. Super Mario 64 (N64)

 

There were a lot of games that came before Mario 64. There was Galaga, 1942, Super Mario 1-3, Super Mario World and Yoshi's Island, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles games (especially Turtles in Time)... But those were games I played with other people, which means that it basically meant someone like my brother Micah or my Uncle Paul playing and me either watching or dying creatively when I did play. Super Mario 64 changed things. I had my own save game file and I meticulously played through every level until I had done everything you could do in the game. Super Mario 64 made me realize that I am a hundred-percenter when it comes to games. It was the first game that ever felt like it was mine.

 2. Cruis'n USA (N64)

While you were playing Mario Kart 64 and Golden Eye, I was playing Cruis'n USA and Star Fox 64. I beat every race and earned every model of car in every color. My brother and I would play Cruis'n USA all the time, one of us racing ahead of everyone else and the other crashing into any car that approached the leader. The destruction would get to hilarious that I would feel sick to my stomach at the end of the day. It opened and closed the book on racing games. As for Star Fox 64, I loved that game, but I never really was good enough to do everything on it.

3. Final Fantasy VII (Playstation)

 

Final Fantasy VII was an amazing journey that began with watching my best friend Jared's older brother Paul playing. I didn't own the system and I didn't own the game, but that changed after what I saw. Not only did I do everything you could possibly do in the game, but I personally verified every single theory as to how you could resurrect Aeris. None of them work, by the way. You have no idea how many 3/5 Soldiers I had to collect and how many levels I advanced before finding that out.

 4. Borderlands (PC)

Final Fantasy VII was the last game I ever got so completely engulfed in. I would invite friends over after class was over in high school just to show them my Knights of the Round summon. That's why Borderlands is such an amazing game. It's been somewhere between a decade and a decade and a half since a game has captured my imagination in this way. The difference between this game and the prior three is that Borderlands is social. It allows me to re-connect with my good friends Adam, Stephan, and Derek, who all live in different cities across the nation, and it's also a game that I can play with my lovely girlfriend who is now a whole country away from me. I've nearly completed every steam achievement, but that certainly won't be the end. I still need to get every skill point, max out my weapon stats, go back and assure that I've gotten every Backpack SDU, get the best possible weapons and specs, and do all of the in-game challenges. Once I'll complete that I'll just move on to the next DLC, or perhaps perform a speed run of the game with my good buddies. I've had hours upon hours of fun with this game and I expect that I'm not anywhere near quitting it.