Prince on Lopez Tonight, Part Two

A very thoughtful interview with Prince. You can watch Part One here.



Why did Prince choose George Lopez? Does George Lopez's show represent "all people," ie. people of various races, religions, genders, sexuality, classes, etc., better than other late night shows?

Prince doesn't say artichoke. Prince says funk.

Is Ticketmaster (slavery reference noted) responsible for high concert prices? Does the blame rest squarely on the shoulder of Ticketmaster? Why wouldn't everyone charge $25 for a concert ticket?

Is Prince part Latino?

Does the internet only help the peolpe who sell the music? Do we value music less when we get it for free?

Does covering mean that your version (the original) no longer exists? What is the Compulsory License Law and how does it work? Who benefits? Should we get rid of this law and how can we do it? Should there only be one version of each song?

No, Prince. There are several versions of Law and Order. Bad example.

Prince does not want to take credit for our texting language. Texting language is officially our own artichoke fault.

Prince on Lopez Tonight

"The Beautiful Ones"



"Laydown"



"You're the One For Me"



If these remain available for any extended amount of time, then I think we should count ourselves lucky. In the past, Prince-related videos on the internet have been known to disappear quickly and permanently. If any of these embedded videos die, please drop me a line. Thanks!

Arts and Crafts: Record Wall Clock

When I lived in New York City I coveted a clock that I found in a little shop that was made out of an old Elton John record. By the time I saved up the money, the clock had been sold. I was told that these record clocks are easy to make, but I just didn't know where to start.

While sorting through our slowly growing record collection, Amy and I were broken-hearted to find that two of our records had been warped, my 7" single of the Prince song "Alphabet St.," and Amy's David Bowie LP, sides C and D of David Live. With little money, time and effort, Amy converted "Alphabet St." into a wall clock, and I'm about to tell you how.

Step 1: Acquire a Cheap Wall Clock

Just about any cheap clock will do. We bought this particular model at Target for $3.99. We're basically looking to rip this apart and cannibalize the hands and the motor.

Step 2: Acquire a Record

This is the difficult part. The record has to be something you want on your wall, a Prince record, for example, in my case. But the record also has to be something that you're willing to part with from your collection, that you will never listen to again because of the modifications. For me, this was easy: "Alphabet St." was already partially warped and completely unplayable. For you, it might not be so simple. Check out local garage sales and $1 record bins. Give a proper funeral for the selected record.

Step 3: Scavenge Parts from Cheap Wall Clock

Using a pocket knife, screwdriver, or any other convenient tool, jimmy the casing off of the wall clock that you have purchased.

 

Remove the hands and the motor from the clock. Gently pull the hands off of the clock face. Once you have done this, the motor will be disengaged from the back.

Step 4: Cook Your Record

As I mentioned before, my Prince record was already partially warped, so in order to make it aesthetically pleasing as a clock it was necessary to fully warp the record. If the record that you choose is still in fair condition and this is not the aesthetic you're aiming for, feel free to skip this step.

Preheat the stove to 300 degrees. Place a layer of aluminum foil on a pan and place the record on top. Place the record-on-a-pan into the stove and cook for somewhere near two minutes. Check on the record every few seconds. You should see the record warping. If you keep the record in the oven for too long it will begin to melt, adhering to whatever you have placed it on (hence the layer of aluminum foil). After two minutes, peel the record off with a spatula. The record should be fairly pliable and warm by now. If it has not taken the desired shape just yet, feel free to manipulate it with your hands until it looks the way you would like. Let the record set for a couple minutes. It shouldn't take long, maybe three to five minutes from the moment it is removed from the oven.

Step 5: Adhere Clock Parts to Record

Remember how you removed the hands and motor from the scrapper clock that you bought for this project? Well, simply do the exact opposite, placing the hands on the side of the record that you wish to be seen and the motor on the opposite side. The motor can be affixed to the back of the record best with rubber cement or epoxy. We didn't have any of that, so Amy attached it using a glue stick and a bunch of scotch tape.

Step 6: Affix Record Wall Clock to Wall / Bask in its Glory

If your motor isn't covered in scotch tape (Amy...) then you should be able to set the time using the dial on the back of the clock. If, like me, you are prohibited from using the dial, simply spin the hands of the clock until the right time is shown. As for the wall mount, I strung together a couple twist-ties and wrapped them around the base of the motor and it has served us well. I even slammed my hands really hard into the wall that the clock is mounted on and turned the fan on, the two things that dismount most of my wall-mounted art and paraphernalia, and it is still holding. With a little ingenuity and some cheap supplies perhaps you can find a better mounting method. The point is that you've now got your awesome record wall clock on your wall and the only thing to do now is to sit directly across from it and watch your life tick away.

Adam Friedli's Memories That Are Totally Real 2

In this photo: Justinyote: Creativious Awesomosius, Justin, Amy Runner: Femalious Mostexcellentacius, Amy

Justin and Amy are pretty big fans of the outdoors. If they are not, then I have no idea why they were doing this. It wouldn't make any sense. But since this does make sense, they were playing their usual game of who can get to dinner first. And they always freeze-frame while doing this and look into what I suppose is a camera. But there is never a camera there. If something doesn't make sense, it's that. And let's talk about what they make appear as their captions under their names. Seriously. Can you get ANY more egotistical than that? But they're both good people. I'll let it slide. Again.

In this photo: Amy, Justin

Oh man. I remember this. He totally tripped while running at superhuman speeds to beat Amy to dinner. This. This right here. This is EXACTLY why you are always told NOT to run with sharp objects. Look what happens. They get stuck in the pavement. The fact that this can even happen means Justin really knows how to shop. Can your fork and knife do this? No way. So for all of your utensil shopping needs, consult Justin "Awesome, my knife is in the pavement!" Tiemeyer. He's got you covered. But this isn't even the point. And yes, I have a point on its way. That's the whole point of memories anyway, isn't it? Well, don't run with sharp objects, because there is no way he ever got those out of the pavement. They're probably still there somewhere on I-96. And I guess you could lose a hand or an eye too. Too much screwing around...

In this photo: Justin, Amy

Amy: "So...whatcha planning on doing with that anvil?"
Justin: "..."


Amy: "I've never known you to have any interest in anvils."
Justin: "..."


Amy: "It would almost seem like you are trying to hide something from me."
Justin: "..."
He was. He was hiding some presents in the anvil. He didn't think she would be so suspicious. He still looks pretty normal to me. His cover is still perfectly intact.


Amy: "Why are you hiding presents from me?"
Justin: "..."
Crap...


And that's how Amy ruined AND killed Christmas all at the same time, simultaneously, in one fell swoop. Wait...no. No, that was a different time. And possibly a different person altogether. I don't even remember this.

In this photo: Adam, Justin, Amy

Unfortunately for Justin, white men CAN jump. He wasn't sure if he could do it, but he did. Amy and I were definitely impressed, even though we appear to be looking at something on the ground? I don't understand. Why, if someone had just jumped clean through solid rock with their head, would you not be looking at that? ... Oh, I remember now! It's pretty hard to stay cool after smashing through elevated earth crust like he did, so Justin tried to lessen the blow by telling a joke. He was like, "Hey Adam, I bet this nearly made you lose your head..." Amy thought it was in pretty bad taste. I personally thought it was hilarious. But it's a little difficult to not look at the ground when you're in my position.

In this photo: Adam, Justin, Amy

Knowing what to expect, Justin readied himself to jump again. And this time, we all decided to look as cool as we possibly could while it happened. Did we succeed? I don't know. Do trains live inside of mountains until a tunnel is painted on the outside to release them? Yup. Just look at those glasses. There is nothing keeping them on Justin's face except the rule of magnetism between two entities of awesome. And no scratches either. Amazing. This rule of magnetism applies to people as well. How else could Justin and Amy have found each other so easily? From this picture alone, I mean, memory alone, it is plain to see how well they gel together. Anyway, we were all looking pretty ice cold that day. What was I doing? Well, I wanted to look up and look cool at the same time, so I did a flip for the sole purpose of looking up. You can have your fancy necks. I flip to look up.

In this photo: Amy

Being so remarkably cooler than cool gets exhausting after awhile, so Amy decided to call it a night. Which in hindsight was weird, because it was still daytime. I guess it's always daytime here though. Interesting... So, on her walk home she noticed something peculiar on the ground. A bowl of seeds with a sign sticking out of it? Nah, there's nothing weird about this. She went to check it out. It read, "More free lovin." Ah, she thought, it must be from Justin! And it was. He was working earlier to get this gift ready for her as a surprise. She realized she couldn't wait until tomorrow and had to tell him immediately that she found it and how much she loved the subtle reference...

In this photo: Justin, The Power of Unwanted Biological Regeneration, Amy

Amy: "So, were you sowing something earlier today?"
Justin: "Whatever do you mean, my dear?"
He was doing his best to hide his growing smirk by keeping his face focused on his book.

It didn't work. His smile was wider than a size 1500-font capital "W".

She made his head spin so fast up from his book that it made his hair stand up on end and emulate the shape of a human hand. With nail polish. There are ways. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

In this photo: Amy, Justin

Justin gets the craziest ideas sometimes. And that is why we all love him of course. But come on. How many times have his purchases from ACME worked as advertised? Actually, what advertising do they have? I have never seen an ACME infomercial before. Have you? What is their advertising budget? Do they have one? Obviously that crazy coyote on TV orders their products...wait. Whoa. Those cartoons...are the infomercials. Holy crap.

Amy: "Are you sure you know what you are doing?"
Justin: "I already philosophized the outcome and combined it with Prince and LOST. I can't lose."


Amy: "Even though your tail that you really shouldn't have is on fire?"
Justin: "Yes. That is all part of it. This is the best way to light the fuse."


Amy: "Did you read the manual?"
Justin: "There wasn't one. I philosophized my own, and I am following it exactly. This includes the glasses and hat."


Amy: "What hat?"
Justin: "It was too small, so I tied it around my head. I'll give you a head start, on my mark..."


Amy: "Ok. You be careful. And what mark?"
Justin: "Oh, you'll know."


Justin: "Ready...set...NIETZSCHE!!!!!"

In this photo: Justin, Amy

Well, Justin ended up being just fine, because he found his Delightfully (you can't see this since it is around the other side of the hat) Malevolent Times hat. And it turns out, the lack of said hat is the only reason the coyote runs into as many problems as he does. Remarkable. What a day it's been. And for you too. To have all the known properties of physics unabashedly bashed to bits must be unrelentingly entertaining. Now how did all this end?

Amy: "Where are we going?"
Justin: "We still need dinner right?"


Amy: "Absolutely. To your house?"
Justin: "Sounds marvelous."


Amy: "What are we having?"
Justin: "How about...cool beans?"


Amy: "Cool beans?"
Justin: "Yes. With Arnold."


Amy: "So like, Cool Beans." (said in classic Schwarzenegger fashion)
Justin: "Ha, yes. Cool Beans." (also said in classic Schwarzenegger fashion)

Justin: "Remember when I promised I would love you last?"
Amy: "That's right, Justin! You did!"


Justin: "...I lied..."

In this photo: Tom

(cue a theme that is both looney and also a little bit tuney)
Tom: "Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-That's all, folks! Serirousry. That's it. Look how seririrous I am. I scoff at the English language. That. Is. It. You know that one guy, Serial Sam? My favorite breakfast is Serial Sam Cereal with bits of real Serial, so you know it's good."

Hard C: A Mix By Justin Tiemeyer

Album art courtesy of Becky Prevette and Justin Tiemeyer.

Gateway: A Mix By Justin Tiemeyer

Album art courtesy of Adam Friedli.

15 Albums From Which A Justin Tiemeyer Can Be Constructed

(In chronological order)

1. Queen - Greatest Hits (1981, 1991)

Queen is the first because I can't remember the name of the Monkees tape we always listened to in my parents' station wagon. I remember being vexed in middle school when this guy named Austin asked me who my favorite band was and I had no answer. Some time later I discovered a passion for Queen, but when I hunted Austin down to tell him Queen is my favorite band he seemed unimpressed, as if he had moved on from that momentary conversation months earlier. Dick...

2. Aerosmith - Nine Lives (1997)

My best friend Jared and I got into Aerosmith fairly heavily because his older brother Paul was really into them. We just ate up anything Aerosmith at a fairly young age, but it wasn't until 1997 that we witnessed the release of brand new Aerosmith material for the first time during our obsession. We listened to Nine Lives day and night, each of us having bought it early on and thus possessing the CD with the naughty pictures all over it. The first time I ever traveled very far from home was with Jared and his family on a trip down to Gulf Shores, Alabama, and we listened to Nine Lives on our Discmans nearly the whole trip.

3. Pink Floyd - The Wall (1979)

When I was in high school I was convinced that I was the youngest person on the planet to both know as much as I did about Pink Floyd and to never have done any sort of drug while exploring the Floyd catalog. I remember listening to The Wall over and over again in my car, explaining the nuances of the album to anyone sitting next to me in my little Honda CRX. You see, it's about the war, but it's also about music, and more than that, it's about one man's struggle with emotional events as expressed by war metaphors in music.

4. Led Zeppelin - Houses of the Holy (1973)

 
This one time I went to Vertigo Records with my good friend Elliot Mayo, now world-famous DJ Elijah. I wasn't into looking at the electronic records just yet, but I did enjoy looking for cool Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin t-shirts. When I came across the Houses of the Holy t-shirt, I was faced with a dilemma: on the one hand, this was one of the most important albums I've ever listened to - it had changed me, but on the other hand, it was a t-shirt populated with naked children and I was still in high school. In the end I saved my money. I probably bought some issues of Uncanny X-Men with it. This would have been either during the Onslaught or Operation: Zero Tolerance days.

5. Smashing Pumpkins - Adore (1998)

Any time before my senior year of high school this album would have sounded much too dark for me. But when a girl I thought I was in love with began dating a good friend of mine I found myself really struggling with a kind of darkness that made this album accessible. I've since found several other boys who claim Adore to be their favorite album, and who can cite similar dark periods of life that the album helped them through. I would never again underestimate the healing power of a really sad album.

6. Red Hot Chili Peppers - By The Way (2002)

Because my brother and I drove around everywhere singing this album together we joined forces and created a band called Craig. We focused mainly on playing classic rock music and writing solid, interesting songs. Because we weren't trying to mimic either Green Day or Blink 182 we were different from all the other bands in the area. When I was kicked out of the band they changed the named to Craig and the Cowboys, which made me conclude that I am the negation of Cowboys.

7. Ryan Adams - Gold (2001)

I don't know what had happened, but I remember driving in my GMC Jimmy and crying while listening to this album. I dried my eyes and met Brian Vandenberg at a coffee shop where we were going to hear our mutual friend Matt play some music. Matt ended up writing a novel in a very Dickensian fashion, so I'm sure he'd be fairly happy to be called "Our Mutual Friend."

8. Zwan - Mary Star of the Sea (2003)

Has Billy Corgan ever sounded as happy, positive and enlightened as he did on this album? Has he ever released a record that comes with fun rainbow guitar stickers that I've found on my old belongings in my parents' basement from time to time? No. And I fear it will never happen again.

9. The Beatles - Abbey Road (1969)

Abbey Road wasn't the first album that flowed from one track to the next. According to Brian Wilson, that was Rubber Soul. According to the rest of the world, Wilson's band The Beach Boys recorded the second real album: Pet Sounds. Abbey Road, however, was the pinnacle of album-making. It never sounded so good until then and it never sounded so good afterward. Let's throw all of that away. The fact of the matter is that I can't imagine that a human could ever fall in love without ever hearing the George Harrisonsong "Something" from this album. That's the more important impact of this album.

10. David Bowie - Young Americans (1975)

Young Americans is by far not the best album put out by David Bowie, but it is the only album I owned on cassette during the lonely year in Toledo in which I couldn't get the car CD player to work. We bonded through struggle much like Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves did in Speed.

11. Neil Young - Harvest (1972)

I listened to this album enough times that I considered writing a book of short stories, one for each track on the album. The ideas were pretty interesting, but I was not very good at finishing things that I started back then. I didn't have any deadlines, so I never got anything done.

12. Prince and the Revolution - Parade (1986)

No need for an anecdote. It's simply the best.

13. Radiohead - In Rainbows (2007)

Becky, Elliot and I were walking around Manhattan, and I had this melody stuck in my head. It was Radiohead's "Reckoner." I didn't know any of the words. I just kept humming this melody. Suddenly, the sound was coming at me from behind. I looked at the storefronts and none of the stores were open. None of them were pumping Radiohead out of their speakers. None of them even had speakers. I was convinced for some time that Thom Yorke himself was walking several paces behind us singing this song to himself until a car pulled away and the music was gone.

14. Tom Petty - Wildflowers (1994)

You're just a poor boy along way from home
You're just a poor boy a long way from home

15. Arcade Fire - Funeral (2004)

I didn't fall in love with Arcade Fire because David Bowie loved them first, but it certainly didn't hurt. But seriously, how cool was it when David Bowie and Arcade Fire performed "Wake Up" together on VH1's Fashion Rocks. I don't know whether I was more excited about that or the Where the Wild Things Are trailer with the same song. Oooh.

The New Free Bird

How does Bob Saget play Purple Rain?
Justin Tiemeyer tells him to. That's how.

There is a measurable difference in awesomeness between me and your normal concert-goer. For example, I don't even think about leaving a concert until they raise the house lights and play somebody else's music on the house speakers. I don't get fooled by that whole "Thank you, good night!" charade.

More importantly, your normal rock fan still thinks it's cool to yell out "Stairway!" or "Free Bird!" When these shouts arise I think to myself, "Fools! Have you no popular culture sensitivity?" After all, the 1992 film Wayne's World closed the book on shouting out "Stairway to Heaven," with the line, "No Stairway? Denied!" Similarly, the 2005 film The Devil's Rejects gave us the closure we've always been seeking for the tragic plight of Lynyrd Skynyrd when a gruesome gunfight arises to the tune of "Free Bird." (Kudos to Rob Zombie for not playing "Blaze of Glory" instead.) If you know your history, then you know it's not cool to yell out "Stairway!" or "Free Bird!" at concerts anymore.

Unfortunately, however, there there is a kind of human need that is expressed in yelling stupid things to musicians at concerts. Just as there are checks and balances in the United States Constitution to prevent tyranny of one individual or group of individuals, yelling out "Stairway!" is a way of placing checks and balances on the possible tyrannical power of a performer. If it's no longer cool to yell out the names of these two classic songs, then how are we to regain our democratic right from these bullies up on stage? It was in response to this question and in light of my obsession with Prince that I began shouting out "Purple Rain!" at concerts.

"Purple Rain!" is golden. It's a song that everyone is familiar with. Just as importantly, it is still uncommon to hear as a request at a concert. That means it's still cool to shout it out. Every performer prepares a pat response to the inevitable "Stairway!" or "Free Bird!" But now there's a new level of measuring the coolness (and thus the power) of a performer: in all likelihood any given performer has not prepared for the "Purple Rain!" contingency, so if said performer can deal with this request in a cool and interesting way, this performer can be called cool.

* * *

Two nights before seeing Bob Saget I went to a Pete Yorn concert at the Dallas House of Blues. At this point I had been shouting out "Purple Rain!" at concerts for something over a year, and nobody had satisfied me with a really cool response. That night I requested the tune twice. The second time was with Pete Yorn himself, who didn't bat an eye at the request despite the fact that I was directly in front of him in the first row of general admission fans. The first time was with Yorn's opener, a young musician named Isaac Russell.

"Purple Rain!" I shouted. "Purple Rain?" Isaac Russell asked. "YEAH!" I shouted. Russell then proceeded to look from his guitar to his microphone and back for some thirty seconds, a look of mischief coming over him. Finally, as if he shook the devil off his shoulder, he said directly to me, "No. I'm not going to do that song."

Things did not look promising when I saw a live Bob Saget comedy set. For normal concerts, the general admission tickets admit one to the floor of the Dallas House of Blues. There are no chairs on the floor, and if you get to the House of Blues on time you can go right up to the front. At the Pete Yorn concert, a woman with a cheap admission ticket received Yorn's harmonica. He walked right up to her, kneeled down and placed it gently into her hands. For the Bob Saget show there were chairs on the floor, and these were the most expensive seats in the house. With general admission tickets we were pushed to the back toward the bar, an area loaded with pillars and douche bag college students to obstruct ones visual and auditory lock on Saget. I was fo far away from Saget that the Wayne's World line paraphrased itself in my mind: "No Purple Rain? Denied!"

To my surprise someone handed Bob Saget an acoustic guitar, and to me this was like some divine being handing me a second chance at greatness. My first chance at greatness was during a Justin Timberlake concert in Dallas a couple of years earlier. It was at this concert that I mastered surfing on the sound waves of the crowd. What I mean by this is that I was silent while the crowd was shouting, but just as soon as the crowd got to its quietest point waiting for Timberlake to speak, I'd shout something. I was against the back wall of the American Airlines Center, and in the relative silence I let out a lion's roar of a request: "DICK IN A BOX!" After about three requests Timberlake played a verse from this song: "Not gonna buy you a diamond ring / That sort of gift don't mean anything." Of course, his entire family was in the audience this night, so he looked up in the general direction of my hollering and asked, "Is it cool if I play another song?"

Saget was even more difficult than Timberlake. With Timberlake, I knew that he at least knew the words and tunr to the song I was requesting. Timberlake's concert, despite the screaming girls, had many more moments of silence. Bob Saget just keeps talking and talking, slinging insults at a rate that one begins to wonder if he needs to breathe. I found a silent moment, however, as he was adjusting the acoustic guitar on his lap. Taking advantage of this brief window of time I shouted, "PURPLE RAIN!" Saget's head stuck bolt upright and he said, "What?" I shouted again, "PURPLE RAIN!" Bob Saget began firing off questions. Had we ever met before? How old was I? Insult, insult, insult. I didn't catch all of it. But then he started strumming the chords that I know so well and singing that beautiful Prince tune. It went on for a verse and a chorus before he said, "This is a really long song," and stopped.

* * *

In the aftermath of living the greatest story ever told, I'm left with the question, "What's next?" Is there any point in requesting "Purple Rain!" if it'll never be more unique and insane than when it was performed by potty-mouthed comedian - not musician - Bob Saget? Ought I to move on to another song? And if so, what could compare? To paraphrase Prince: "Nothing compares 2 Purple Rain."

Though I'm largely in the dark as to how to respond to this situation, I know two things for certain. First, I know that there is some strange and dark Dickensian moment in the past that connects Bob Saget to the song Purple Rain, and I intend to find out more about this. Second, I know that there is still at least one person who might surprise me more than Saget doing "Purple Rain."

So, look out, Mr. President.

Pack your guitar, Mr. Barack Obama, because I'm coming at you with a personal request.

And it sure ain't "Free Bird!"