Role Models, Part Three

Role Models, Part One can be viewed here.
Role Models, Part Two can be viewed here.

One of the best days I've ever spent in Fort Worth, Texas was when good friend Chad invited me and mutual friend Rodney Thomas to his house for dinner. Aside from having a fantastic meal and discussion with Chad, his wife Christina and children Autumn and Mark, I saw an example of a fantastic, loving family in which the father, Chad, is able to be his own person, weird as he wants to be, and it all just works. Previously, I had feared that I would have to sacrifice a whole lot of my personal identity in order to be happily married with children. But Chad is a role model to me, a wonderful alien in this world who has courageously asserted himself as himself, making no such sacrifices as I'd imagined I'd have to make, and the result is not only a functional family, but a flourishing family. His children are so bright and passionate that I suddenly want to have children just so my progeny can inhabit the world Chad's children create. If you can't already tell, this evening left quite an impression on me.

Christina confessed that she and Chad have little in common outside of their children and their religious faith, but they could have fooled me. Chad is passionate about comic books, specifically Green Lantern, and it was clear just sitting at that dinner table that everyone present shared some degree of that passion. Christina kept up like a champ when the discussion digressed to DC comics. The kids were well-versed in Bible stories, but also in superhero stories. Autumn recited to us the Hebrew alphabet, and I have little doubt that she could say, with the same confidence, the noble oath of the Green Lantern Corps. Mark has recently become obsessed with the Batman villain Mr. Freeze after hearing the tragic story of his origin in the midst of trying to save his beloved wife Nora.

After dinner, we retired to the living room. As we watched two episodes of Batman: the Brave and the Bold, Chad and Autumn discussed how disrespectful it is when men whistle at women and when women wear unnecessarily revealing outfits (or rather, when people, most often men, draw women wearing unnecessarily revealing outfits). During commercials, Christina commented on a Wonder Woman article she was reading in Entertainment Weekly. After the kids went to bed, Rodney and I joined in on Chad and Christina's weekly Smallville viewing. Chad would later tell me that one of the keys to maintaining a lasting relationship with the one you love is doing things together beyond simply occupying the same space. Smallville appeared to be one of these activities for Chad and Christina.

At the end of the evening, I expressed to Chad my elation at meeting his family. I think I went so far as to say that Chad's family was the perfect family.

"It was a good night for us," Chad said, keeping everything in context. "They're not all like that. But yeah, I have a pretty great family."

I think Chad was being modest. The way that Chad's family looks at one another hides no disdain - they truly love one another and are interested in one another. With Chad and his fantastic family I find that I have both proven and disproven my previous point regarding the importance of stories over role models. On the one hand, the folk stories of the Bible mingle with comic book stories - perhaps the most pervasive modern/postmodern American folk stories that we have - as Chad and Christina breed in their children a culture of ethical consciousness. On the other hand, I see Chad as my role model, someone who lives a life similar to the life I'd like to live some day, whose example I feel inclined to imitate and whose advice I feel inclined to follow.

This seeming contradiction points to a point that has just now arisen in my consciousness, that having role models in and of itself is not the problem. The problem lies in removing the role model from the context in which the role model enacts its story and asserting some sort of moral infallibility, suggesting that the individual is incapable of doing wrong. Comic book character Hal Jordan / Green Lantern is just as responsible for the development of moral reasoning in those who read his narratives as are the narratives themselves, but if we believe he is always good, then we excuse all the terrible acts of murder and betrayal, many of which have since been undone in the comics, that he commits as Parallax the living embodiment of fear. Consider also Peter Parker / Spider-man facing his dark side in the guise of the alien symbiote known as Venom. I bring up Spider-man because more of us can relate to him. (Hal Jordan is a fearless monument of a man who would have been a hero regardless of whether or not he was given a ring of power from the Guardians, but Peter Parker was a normal kid when he was bitten by that radioactive spider. Whereas few among us are courageous, bold and creative enough to represent an entire sector of the universe as a Green Lantern, any passerby can fall victim to a radioactive spider and become Spider-man.) Peter Parker / Spider-man is bound by the responsibility his Uncle Ben taught him to do the right thing, but Venom tempts him to cut corners, to use his strength for social benefit, to betray the very responsibility that is such an integral part of Spider-man's origin story.

Rather than follow Green Lantern and Spider-man into their darkness, we as readers are expected to criticize their actions and the evil that results. Hal Jordan's greatest loss and Peter Parker's alien chemical dependency pose traps that any of us could fall into. But in these dark times, the reader actually becomes the Green Lantern to the fallen Green Lantern and the Spider-man to the fallen Spider-man. We know what is good about these heroes, and we use that good to become the heroes ourselves in their absence. (Let's hope that we're better heroes than Azrael in Batman's absence. Am I right?) We tell Hal Jordan that he's not being himself and we pray Peter Parker overcomes his temptation. When the hero is away we successfully fill the void by knowing how the fallen would act were the fallen not so fallen, how the fallen ought to if this darkness is to be overcome.

When I was young, my father would tell me Bible stories, but he also preached of the youthful and rebellious spirit of Peter Pan. My mother would speak of the great things my grandfather Paul Slater had done both for our community and for our family. Two years ago I was asked at a conference on world aid work what my goal in life was. I answered that my desire is to save the world. Was I informed by Jesus or Moses or grandpa or Peter Pan in aiming for this haughty goal? To some degree, yes, I was, but to a greater degree I was driven by Spider-man, the X-Men, Batman and Superman, by the stories I've heard that change the way I think and the person I have become. My brother David was told by the family members who revoked my parents' guardianship that comic books are evil. If good and evil are defined by the positive and negative impacts that our stories have brought about, I think Bibles might be considered much more evil than any comic book ever has been. I'm no history scholar (I dabble...), but I've never heard of a crusade devoted to wiping out all humans who support the Sinestro Corps or a war against the nation harboring the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

I've spent some time talking about my childhood, but in truth this whole discussion on role models stems from my own desire to have children. I often wonder if I'll be too controlling, seeing danger in all the choices of my future hypothetical offspring. Or perhaps I'll be too laid back, perceiving freedom where there is only lack of guidance. In the end I think I'll follow Chad's lead. I'll love my family with all my heart and provide them with only the best stories I've ever come across, regardless of their holy or profane source. When they get into something I'm not familiar with, probably some Disney channel fad or something, I'll try to keep up with it too. most of all, I will talk with my children. It seems to work well for Chad, and in retrospect it worked really well in my upbringing as well. (I still have fond memories of watching X-Files with my mother every Friday / Sunday night.) Maybe in the process I'll become a role model for my kids. I suppose nothing is impossible when you live a life worthy of telling in story form.

Role Models, Part Two

 Role Models, Part One can be viewed here.

We, the people of the United States of America, have an incredibly bipolar relationship with our celebrities. There is nobody more beloved in this land than the actors and actresses who populate our favorite television programs and movies and the musicians who fill our ears. This should come as no surprise. After all, this country is founded on the very ideals that these celebrities embody, stories where common people rise above their circumstances and become bigger than life. We love our celebrities because our highest value is entertainment, but we also love our celebrities because they exist to remind us of what we could become. Perhaps this latter explanation leads to the reason we hate celebrities. When we haven't risen above our circumstances, and as a result these same celebrities become a target for disapproval. This one doesn't even give to charity. This one gives to charity just to look good, to sell DVDs. This one doesn't even care about politics. This one does, and that's a misuse of power and popularity. Some folk espouse a view that celebrities are prostitutes or they're nothing at all. They shout and they scream and then they come home and fall asleep watching Law and Order, NCIS or Bones. We stake our entire lives on the results of American Idol and Dancing with the Stars only to discredit the whole lot of celebrities as valid role models. If Texas is any measure, the only options left for role models are Biblical characters and sports stars.

While most Christians would agree that the Bible was given to us for our own good, there is a decent subsection of this group who view the characters depicted in the Bible as the ultimate example for humanity. If the Bible is the story of the relationship between humanity and the divine, then we humans are at our best when we are acting like the people in the Bible. This can work when preachers, parents and Sunday school teachers decide which stories to tell you and how they ought to be told. Where we run into difficulties is when people actually read the Bible. I haven't done the math yet, but if you flip to any page in the Bible there is a good chance that you will encounter some terrible act of violence, oppression or sin committed by someone who is supposed to be a role model. From Adam's hubris (Genesis 3) to Noah's drunkenness (Genesis 9:20-27) to Abraham not questioning the slaughter of his own son (Genesis 22) to Moses murdering an Egyptian (Exodus 2:11-15) to David seducing another man's wife (2 Samuel 11), and all the while religious leaders espouse eugenics programs of murdering other tribes occupying the promised land (Joshua) and casting out family members because their blood is "impure" (Ezra-Nehemiah). I do not mean to reduce the entire Bible to these terrible acts, but anyone reading this book and attempting to find redemption through it has to deal with these problems.

If you've read other articles I've written you probably know that I like to return to the whole Cain and Abel story for many of my purposes, probably because of my familiarity with the strange dimensions of sibling rivalry. (In other words, I have a brother.) Most of the time I reference the impact that this story had on John Steinbeck in his thoroughly American novel East of Eden. Are Cain and Abel somehow role models for modern children? Perhaps we should first review the story and then decide whether either of these men are role models. Cain and Abel are the first children of the original couple Adam and Eve. We don't know much about Cain and Abel other than the fact that Cain grows up to become a tiller of the ground whereas Abel grows up to become a keeper of sheep. Both brothers made an offering of their best to God, Cain bringing the first fruits of the Earth, fine fruits and vegetables, and Abel bringing the firstborn of his flock, the best and fattest of sheep. God prefers Abel's offering over Cain's offering, and as a result Cain, feeling alienated from his God, that the best he could offer is somehow not good enough, became angry. Cain focuses his anger not on the God who rejected him, but rather on his brother, a man who, like Cain, was simply trying to give his best to his God. This anger builds and builds until Cain can handle it no more, and he kills his brother Abel.

Most people, in reading this story, would choose Abel as their role model over Cain. Abel did his best in life and gave his best to God. But Abel is not the main character of this story. Cain is the character who undergoes change. He is the character who is placed into a difficult situation by God. He's one of the few characters in the Bible that God speaks directly with, and it is through these words that we are given the moral of the story: "The Lord said to Cain, 'Why are you angry, and why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; its desire is for you, but you must master it" (Genesis 4:6-7). The reason Cain is ruled out as a role model is because we don't want to promote murder as a good way of solving problems. Is Abel so much better? Whereas Abel is obedient so far as we are concerned, we have no idea what he may have done in Cain's situation. In order to hold Abel as a role model, I want to know how he would handle the feeling of rejection he would feel when God chooses Cain's offering over his. In Cain's shoes, would Abel have obeyed God's commandment to master sin's desire or would he follow the example of Cain, murdering his brother in cold blood? The answer to this question is never revealed in the scripture.

Some would say that children are much more likely to find their role models in sports. This can be just as troubling as finding role models in the Bible. Mike Tyson is a spousal abuser who bit off the ear of Evander Holyfield. While linked to marijuana distribution, Michael Vick was arrested for dog fighting and gambling operations. Tonya Harding hired a thug to ruin Nancy Kerrigan's career. O.J. Simpson was never convicted for the double murder of his estranged wife and her boyfriend, but most Americans believe he is a murderer. Many athletes are now getting paid as well as the cast of FRIENDS in its heyday, forcing people to wonder if anyone is really in it for the love of the game. My personal favorite sport, hockey, is no exception. One of the best known names in hockey over the last couple of years is former Dallas Stars Sean Avery, a player who never gave much to the team and made a mockery of the NHL when he referred to Calgary Flames defenceman Dion Phaneuf's girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert as his "sloppy seconds." Chicago Blackhawks right winger Patrick Kane was arrested in Buffalo when he assaulted and robbed a cab driver. Todd Bertuzzi ended the career of Vancouver Canucks center Steve Moore when he punched him in the back of the head during a game, fracturing three vertebrae in Moore's neck. After a slap on the wrist, Bertuzzi returned to the Detroit Redwings. As for Moore, he continues to suffer from post-concussion syndrome. If you ask me, it's a miracle that the man can walk. (All these examples of horrible athletes, and all I ever hear about is the fact that Bret Favre won't stay retired. Complain about Vick of Bertuzzi, criminals that people can see playing on TV playing for their favorite teams, and I'll join in with you, but Bret Favre? Come on.)

Tiger Woods used to be considered a role model for children. His achievements in golf rank him among the greatest golfers in the history of the sport. I remember seeing commercials celebrating his humble origins, a child prodigy who was in it for the love of the game. Tiger Woods, a self-proclaimed "Cablinasian" (caucasian, black, American Indian, asian), is the most outstanding figure in recent golf history, a history dominated by privileged white men. This makes people imagine the sorts of difficulties Tiger must have had to overcome in his life, the difficulties of growing up not simply as a member of one minority group, but as a member of so many different minority groups. This is exactly what people are looking for in athletes, the reason why they are seen as such great role models.

But Tiger Woods is an adulterer, and his unfaithfulness to his wife was revealed in the most bizarre and public way. What began with a simple car crash in late 2009 evolved into a tale of abuse in which Woods was beaten by his wife for cheating on her. In no time, women began lining up to reveal details about their sexual affairs with Woods. At the same time Woods' lawyers were both furiously working toward preventing pictures and videos featuring Woods naked from surfacing and reporting that no such pictures or videos existed. By Christmas, Tiger Woods was the laughing stock of sports. Surely this is no role model for children.

Surely there are some among you who find it difficult entertaining the idea of comparing Cain and Abel to Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren, but these individuals are fantastic examples of the difficulties one has in finding role models in Biblical literature and the sports arena. Are athletes and people of God just worse people than the rest of us? No. I could never make an argument for such a vast generalization. I will say that these people simply experience vastly different situations than the rest of us and their lives are brought to the attention to millions, if not billions, of people on a daily basis. They are humans, just like us, only they are under the magnifying glass. I mean the magnifying glass metaphor to include both sides of the double-meaning implied, that these people are both under great scrutiny and can be burned to death with the smallest shift in angle. I'm not writing this article to "burn" the Bible and professional sports. I am writing to explain that morals are tested at the extremes of life. The Bible states that those who do not do well are threatened by great temptation to sin, but before this it states that those who do well are accepted. This acceptance is exactly what lead Tiger Woods and many other athletes to great difficulties. Woods had everything - money, fame, acclaim, security, family. He could assure that generations of his descendants would have fantastic opportunities. But the underside of success is that one gains access to many more "sins." Every middle class man in America, upon hearing about Tiger Woods' infidelity, claimed that Tiger Woods is a scum bag for cheating on his wife and they would not do the same in his position (Source: South Park). But they are not in his position. They do not encounter attractive women on a daily basis who would do anything just for a kiss (and then some). In this way, the successful, athletes and other celebrities, are tested a great deal more than the rest of us. We claim to be good, but perhaps it is because we have little opportunity to be bad. If given the same opportunity, would every man resist the temptation to cheat on his wife? If not, then there are a great deal of hypocrites in America (but what's new about this?).

Upon reading the previous paragraph, one notices that I have made a moral example out of Tiger Woods in much the same way as the author(s) of Genesis made a moral example out of Cain. I did this on purpose to make a point. I believe that it is more valuable to tell stories than it is to hold individuals in such high moral acclaim. Few parents would want their children to commit the crimes and abuses of trust committed by Cain and Tiger, but many can tell the stories of Cain and Tiger in order to teach lessons about the sanctity of human life and of commitment to another human being. Though Plato is superficially against the poets and the stories they weave, it is clear, upon further investigation, that Plato values story telling as the ultimate method of raising moral awareness. In a poetic event, one places oneself into a story. Whenever a character does something, it is as if you are doing it. Thus in hearing stories we are forced to consider whether the courses of action that the characters take are the same courses of action that you would take. Stories introduce children to the vast arena in which moral decisions are made and begin the process by which moral discernment is acquired. While Cain and Tiger may have given up their titles as good role models, their narratives instruct us about the dangers of success and the lack thereof. With a little thought and a whole lot of work we can make sure that we do not commit the same mistakes as these people. We can be better for having heard their stories.

Role Models, Part Three can be viewed here.

Role Models, Part One

I was in middle school when reports came in of a child who burned down his family's barn. At face value, this doesn't seem like a story appropriate for national news. But this barn burning was political. It wasn't terrorism. It wasn't the Ku Klux Klan or Al-Qaeda. It wasn't even the Michigan Militia. This crime was much more insidious than all of that. It was committed be a child under the influence of cartoons.

The cartoon in question was Beavis and Butt-head. The story we were fed convinced us that since the teenagers on this show were depicted playing with matches and laughing while saying, "fire, fire, fire," children watching this show had no choice but to become arsonists. By this time in my life, I had already been on my fair share of campouts with my Boy Scout troop in which boys my age were expected to start camp fires. I only had to see two or three of my compatriots melt their windbreakers painfully to their skin only to run back and do it again before I realized that teenage boys have been obsessed with fire since time immemorial. Beavis and Butt-head didn't prescribe our delinquency. They reflected our delinquency.

However enlightened I may have been regarding human nature as a teenager, I was not free from the veritable witch hunt that followed in the 90s under the names of "censorship" and "political correctness." I remember that my brother and I were at a church youth group get-together after school and that we, accompanied by a kid we know named Jake, were trying to do our best impressions of the Beavis and Butt-head laughs. I know that I had never seen Beavis and Butt-head before. I think my brother saw it once or twice at his friend Pat's house. But everyone knew about Beavis and Butt-head back then, even if they had never once seen the show. It was part of the zeitgeist. It was a result of that same magic that granted me knowledge of songs by Backstreet Boys and Spice Girls. We always did impressions of cartoon characters. There was the Bart Simpson: "Don't have a cow, man," the Wolverine growl with the word, "bub" at the end, the Tick's ridiculous exclamations like, "Honk if you love justice!" We never got in trouble for those impressions, but if you were referencing Beavis and Butthead back then you could get in some serious trouble. I remember on this particular occasion I was reprimanded verbally and the guilt was laid on so heavily that I felt like I had just burned down my parents' house with both my parents still inside, and that I had done so with only the power of my words.

It was through the media hype and government focus on my childhood cartoons that I first encountered the discussion of the responsibility of public figures as role models for the children of America. It was also during this conflict that I felt some of my earliest stirrings of authority issues. I had a serious problem with some Senator or Representative telling my parents that I shouldn't watch my favorite television programs. I felt the earliest pangs of righteous indignation with the idea that someone might stand between me and my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

A few years later in 1999, former Mickey Mouse Club child star Britney Spears got a record deal and released the album ...Baby One More Time. As Spears transformed from a girl into a woman she also transformed from the influence of Mickey to Madonna. She was dealing with her awakening sexuality just like any other girl, but unlike any other girl every moment of Spears ascent into adulthood was documented by either MTV, VH1 or the paparazzi. By the time Oops!... I Did It Again came out in 2000, Spears was defined by the lyric, "I'm not that innocent." (If it were up to me, I would define the girl by her overuse of the ellipsis in album titles, but it's not up to me.) Her interviews before this time usually centered around her sudden rise to fame and how grateful Spears was to those who helped her along the way, people like her mom or her friend Justin Timberlake and his band N'Sync. Now her interviews centered around the fact that she was acting as a bad role model for young girls and accusations flew that Britney Spears was responsible for over-sexualizing the day's youth.

I used to try to imagine what it would feel like to take Britney's place. Physiologically and emotionally she was changing into an adult, and sexuality is part of adulthood. (Why else would we put pornographic films in the adult film section?) She was also growing as an artist and doing whatever she could do to keep her dream of singing and dancing alive. In her place I think I would probably feel like there was nothing I could do right. I don't mean to say, "Leave Britney alone!" I'm not trying to excuse anything she's done in the public eye. I mean to say that even with all of the money and recognition Britney Spears racked up during this short period, I would prefer my overweight, zit-faced life with no money and no girlfriend to the life of Britney Spears, because at least I had the option to be myself without the media turning me into the scapegoat for a world full of sins.

Returning to the story of the boy who burned down the barn, I can say that I don't feel any connection with this boy. The two of us liked our cartoons and we liked our MTV, but this kid was known to the nation as the poster child of a poorly spent youth while I was emerging as an example of a well-raised son. I was a Boy Scout. I was engaged in community service. I stayed in school. I respected my parents and credited their teaching for any kindness anyone said to me. I went to college. I went to church. Most importantly, I was never caught burning down any buildings. I sometimes wondered if there weren't more similarities between me and the barn burner. To paraphrase the Joker in Batman: The Killing Joke, perhaps the difference between me and him was as insignificant as one bad day.

Maybe it's just the philosopher in me, but I cannot think about these events without stumbling into a difficult string of questions. Who are the role models that our children look up to? Who ought our children look up to? Who gets to make the choice? What is a role model? How ought a role model to act? How do we understand responsibility in light of the influence of role models in people's lives? How should we respond when we believe that role models are not acting properly? Should we respond at all? Should our government representatives intervene in these matters? What should they do? I know that if I am to listen to the testimony of someone pointing a finger and placing blame on cartoons and pop singers for the corruption of our youth, I'd like them to be able to answer all of these questions for me. I'd really like to be able to answer these questions for myself.

Role Models, Part One can be viewed here.

Elizabeth Banks

Actress Elizabeth Banks. You may remember her from every movie that came out in 2008 (Definitely, Maybe, Meet Dave, Lovely, Still, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, W., Role Models). You may also recognize her as Jack's new love interest Avery Jessup on NBC's 30 Rock. Isn't she lovely?