Jonny B'z

Grand Rapids, Michigan is a one hot dog stand kind of town. I'm not saying that it is a small town. Quite the opposite, in fact - there are several Starbucks in Grand Rapids. But for my entire life the question of where to get great hot dogs has always been answered, Yesterdog. Yesterdog is a simple, anti-chain, hip, local hot dog eatery, but I've seen it run its fair share of hot doggeries out of business.

I was skeptical when I saw Jonny B'z pop up next to the Winchester, not because I thought the food would be bad, but because I doubted that the restaurant would stay in business long enough for me to even visit. Jonny B'z has been in business now for at least half of a year and I've been there four or five times in the last month alone. The hot dogs are great and I expect Jonny B'z to, as Arnold Schwarzenegger would say, "stick around."

Here's why: Jonny B'z does not pretend to be the local taste of the people. In many ways it is just another hot dog restaurant. It has no single reason for being. It is clear, however, that the hot dogs are inspired by a careful study of the many cultures of dogs across the United States and then some. The hot dogs are flat top grilled and placed in a European-style grilled bun, available Chicago-style, Carolina-style with slaw, Cajun-style with a sausage, or even German-style with kraut. You can get gumbo or even a brisket sandwich there. Whereas Yesterdog is a local delicacy, Jonny B'z is a traveling sideshow of hot dog wonders. What it lacks in a single solitary hot dog identity, it makes up for in diversity.

I haven't had a dog at Jonny B'z that I didn't like. The Jonny Dog, topped with catsup, mustard, pickle, onion and chili is pretty fantastic. The Hampton Meeks is a personal favorite, garnished with mustard, chili and slaw. The Kraut Dog is self explanatory and satisfying, balancing kraut with mustard and onion. The Chicago Dog impressed my girlfriend, a hot dog connoisseur with specialties in Hotdogus chicagosis, a delicacy with mustard, pickles, relish, tomato, onion, sport peppers and celery salt. But if ever there were an uber-dog, it would be the Cajon dog (cleverly mixing "Cajun" and "Jonny"), a spicy sausage available any way you want it. I had a Cajon with the same toppings as the Hampton Meeks and it was quite delicious. The french fries are off the hook, and there are four different flavors of salt that you can use on them, celery, vinegar, bacon cheddar and Mediterranean.

If you're in the neighborhood, make sure you stop by Jonny B'z. Grand Rapids, Michigan is a two hot dog stand kind of town after all.

Jonny B'z

638 Wealthy St.

Grand Rapids, MI 49503

American Coney Island

As soon as I realized that the food at American Coney Island in Detroit was blog-worthy, I began questioning what the purpose of such a blog post would be. (Yes, I use the word blog-worthy in conversation, and no, I don't think it makes me a loser.) American Coney Island and it's next-door neighbor Lafayette Coney Island have already been rated by just about everyone on the Food Network and the Travel Channel as a couple of the best restaurants in the nation. One blog post isn't going to do much good for this place compared to national television coverage.

But then I realized that there is a possibility that people exist who are loyal to this blog and not to the Food Network or the Travel Channel, people who would never have heard of this place without this very post, and I felt justified. It's like one of those episodes of Spider-Man where he's just about to hang up the mask until he meets a little girl who restores his faith in humanity and reminds him of why he's fighting the good fight. This blog post is me returning to the good fight.

If you're going to Detroit, put American Coney Island on your itinerary. I'm sure Lafayette is good for completely different reasons, but after a filling meal at American I wasn't about to wander next door and make myself sick. As I learned on the recent season of the hit television program Community, it's possible that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Amy and I had what the waiter called "The Special." It wasn't on the menu, but it's possible that it's the same as the Coney Island Hot Dog. It's a hot dog topped with ground beef, Coney Island chili sauce, onions and mustard. The dogs here have a slightly tougher outside than at most hotdog places, making them snap when you bite into them. It's a great taste.

The waiter also suckered us into ordering some Chili Cheese Fries to split. We were very happy with this subtle coercion, because they tasted amazing.

On the way out I was struck with the quality of food at this simple hot dog restaurant. How is it possible that food like this could taste so good? That's when it came to me. Like a sign.

I guess it wasn't like a sign. It was a sign. American Coney Island is Preferred By the Gods. Now, whether it's preferred by the gods because it's so good or it's so good because it's preferred by the gods is another matter. We'll leave that one to Euthyphro. Am I right? (Funny. Ancient Greek jokes never seem to go over very well. Maybe that's why I always feel so sick standing at the mic at amateur comedy night.) It's our job to find and devour good food.

I've found it. It's your turn to devour it.

American Coney Island

114 W. Lafayette

Detroit, MI 48226

Skeeter's World Famous Hot Dogs

(NOTE: By the time I made it to Skeeter's in Wytheville, Virginia, the 6 in "OVER 6 MILLION SOLD" had been crossed off and replaced with a 9.)

Off the highway in Wytheville, Virginia one finds a series of signs leading to various restaurants. Like most towns, the big chain restaurants have amazing coverage. But there was one restaurant that seemed out of place: Skeeter's World Famous Hot Dogs. I'd never heard of the restaurant, but for some reason I was passionately driven to eat there. The restaurant was several miles from the exit and it took several turns to get there. Normally, my response to this would be: "Never mind. Let's just go to Burger King. I need some more Twilight game pieces." But no! Not this time. I was intrigued by Skeeter's.

What I didn't know was that this Skeeter's is ground zero from which a larger chain had sprung. When we walked inside, my mother started talking about how it reminded me of the inside of her father's Mobile Station when she was a child in the '50s and '60s.

When I first looked at the menu the first thing that stood out was the Slaw Dog, a hot dog with mustard, onion, chili and slaw. Immediately afterward I was taken by The Works, which is basically a Slaw Dog with cheese. Those of you who know me will find this weird. Those of you who don't know me ought to know that I have always detested coleslaw in every form it has ever come at me. The reason I became excited about slaw in this instance can be explained by a defect in the wiring of my brain. I read the word "slaw," but through some crazy psychic game of telephone the word had transformed into "kraut" when it reached my brain. This wouldn't be so strange if it were an isolated incident, but after the fact my good friend Adam attested to this same mix-up in his own thought process.

When I recommend the Slaw Dog and The Works to you as some of the best hot dogs you'll ever consume, you'll understand that it's good enough to overcome my hatred of coleslaw. Slaw, I was told by my brother's girlfriend Kristin, is a different thing in the South, with factions fighting a Civil War over the proper way of making it. ("THE SLAW WILL RISE AGAIN!") It was no longer some concoction of terrible preserved vegetables mixed in a plastic bin with disgusting smelling mayonnaise and sugar. (I used to have to prepare coleslaw when I worked at a Chicken Express in Denton, Texas. One of the worst jobs I've ever performed.) It had become something that added a little bit of twang to a spectacular hot dog.

Skeeter's World Famous Hot Dogs

165 E. Main St.

Wytheville, VA 24382

Yesterdog

So far as I know, Yesterdog is the only restaurant in Grand Rapids, Michigan that people across the nation and perhaps the planet may know of. If you need evidence, all you need to do is set foot in the door. For as long as I can remember, the walls of Yesterdog have been covered with pictures of people wearing Yesterdog t-shirts while exploring the vast world beyond its wall: The Great Wall of China, The Colliseum, Delaware...

I find it hard to believe that there exists a person in West Michigan who doesn't have some amazing experience from visiting Yesterdog. One of my favorite days of my youth was going to Yesterdog with my good friends Elliot Mayo and Dave Rogers only to hear a lippy Yesterdog employee berate a man who changed his order some five times after his food was cooked. The employee repeatedly called this man a RENOB, which I later learned was the word BONER backwards.

Yesterdog is good, cheap and sloppy. Something something something my women. Am I right?

Possibly the best creation to come out of Yesterdog is called the Ultradog. It's a hotdog with chili, cheese, onions, pickles, ketchup and mustard. I often order a couple of these and satisfy my adult fixation on sauerkraut with a Krautdog. While perusing Yesterdog's web site, however, I found that there is an elusive hotdog called the Killerdog which is essentially an Ultradog with sauerkraut. If this dog really exists I cannot know. It certainly has never made its way to the wooden board that I order from. This would be the best kept secret in Grand Rapids were it for real.

Yesterdog

1505 Wealthy St. SE

Grand Rapids, MI 49506