Justin Tiemeyer: A Straight Ally

The thing I've noticed about coming out is that you have to keep coming out. It's not something that can be accomplished by speaking up once. You have to tell the world, sometimes one person at a time, who you are, and you have to educate them to understand that it's OK to be who you are. I came out as a straight ally while living in Toledo in 2006 as a member of Equality Ohio. A straight ally is a heterosexual individual who declares to the world, to put it simply, that gay is good.

I was a straight ally long before I made my declaration in 2006, and I have never stopped. I am currently enrolled in seminary, however, and recently a fellow seminarian Christopher Thomas called out on Facebook for straight allies to come out, that it does more good than anyone can imagine. I realized at that moment that if there was any doubt in anyone's mind that I am allied with the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning) community then I am not, in fact, out. I would like to leave the closet here and now, to tell you that I am a straight ally and that it's OK to be a straight ally (even, and especially, from a Christian Biblical point-of-view).

The reason that I am writing today is to tell you that the bullying that LGBTQ individuals, that same bullying that is on the news daily as resulting in LGBTQ suicides - this bullying is something that I have no tolerance for. At the same time, this bullying is not the worst thing I see in reference to current events. The real evil is that the community surrounding these bullied individuals cannot support their own and thus is no community at all. Across the board LGBTQ individuals are being told that who they are is not acceptable. To the question of their existence, they are given a resounding, "NO!" A professor of mine at Brite Divinity School, Dr. Toni Craven, responding to current events, stated that a church ought to be a place of refuge or it ought not to be. With all respect, Dr. Craven, I'll do you one better: a family ought to love and support their own no matter who they turn out to be, not despite of differences but because of differences. If state, religious community, family and neighbor alike take a stand against LGBTQ, then we deny the people we love any home on this planet.

I am not condoning suicide by any means; I believe there is always a reason to live. I am writing first and foremost to prevent suicide. At this point we need to recognize that we do not stop suicide simply by repeating over and over that God turns God's back on a suicide. We must do so by becoming a refuge to those without a home. A woman once told me that her nephew, a closeted homosexual, recently confided in her that he was scared to live in his own home. While watching the news, his Catholic parents made it obvious that there is one place where gays belong, and that is in hell. How can her nephew both honor his parents the way he's been taught in his catechism and at the same time be the person he truly is? This story points to the fact that there's a good probability that every one of us has a close and important relationship with someone who is LGBTQ. In light of this understanding, we must recognize that in nearly every situation where we "harmlessly" spout anti-LGBTQ speech we alienate someone who deserves our love, support and respect.

If you can't tell, this discussion is personal for me. It's not my place to out another individual, but there I am closer to homosexuals and bisexuals than you can imagine. I also recognize that I may have children who are in some way LGBTQ and I couldn't be more excited about this fact - they get the chance to courageously declare to the world who they are on their own terms. At the same time I am sickened that we do not live in a world where my children can be themselves and be supported and adored by others in this world in the same way that I, their father, support and adore them. In other words, as a straight ally I feel much like a mother bear, and when bigots spread hate-speech and intolerance of the LGBTQ community, they find themselves messing with my cubs. I believe you can figure out the rest of the metaphor without my help.

In conclusion, if you have a respectful argument to post, I will respond to you in my upcoming blog posts. But it must be known that this is a small place in cyberspace where those who can't find support in this world can find refuge. It's not enough, but it's certainly a start. As a straight ally I am an advocate for the LGBTQ community. Attacks against arguments will always be respected and addressed; attacks against people (ad hominem) will not. I ask everyone to join with me in creating a place of refuge for the LGBTQ community, a group of people who have done amazing things for the world and who summon up heaps of courage every day just stepping outside, a group of people who deserve every heterosexual individual on the planet as their straight allies.