When They Were Cool: Tom Hanks

In the 1990s I remember there was always some buzz about the crazy things Tom Hanks was doing to prepare for a role. Malnutrition was a necessary preparation for both Philadelphia (1993) and Cast Away (2000) (almost 90s). (Although Hanks is probably best known for this seemingly destructive attitude toward his body, I can think of few more insane feats of preparation than Christian Bale's transformation from normal Bale to sickeningly thin Bale for The Machinist in 2004 to massive and buff Bale for Batman Begins in 2005.) I'm pretty sure Hanks even spent a week in a box for a movie. (Did I dream that headline?) And Hanks was rewarded for his efforts - he was making money hand over fits and he received the Academy Award for Best Lead Actor two years in a row (Philadelphia in 1993 and Forrest Gump in 1994). Tom Hanks was working his butt off, and the payoff was big, but working hard is probably the single easiest way to lose cool points. The Fonze jumped a shark and it didn't require immersion training. He made it look easy. That's why the Fonze is cool and 90s Tom Hanks is not.

Flash back to The Money Pit (1986). (I never watched the Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore film Duplex, but the trailers gave me the uncanny feeling that it was a rip off of The Money Pit, and this infuriated me because I really like The Money Pit.) Tom Hanks plays Walter Fielding, Jr., the husband of Anna Crowley Beissart (Shelley Long). This is long before Jim (John Krasinski) and Pam (Jenna Fischer), mind you (The Office). Heck, Ross (David Schwimmer) and Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) haven't even been invented yet (FRIENDS). We're talking Sam (Ted Danson) and Diane (Shelley Long) days (Cheers). Hanks is hilarious and skinny (naturally skinny, not Philadelphia skinny) and he's starring beside the most important woman on TV. It is because of this movie and a few others (Bachelor Party, Big, The 'Burbs, Turner and Hooch, Joe Versus The Volcano) that Tom Hanks used to be cool.

The complication comes from the fact that Tom Hanks is cool in the 80s but he's not cool for the same reasons as people like Tom Cruise or Eddy Murphy. Tom Hanks was never the Fonze. He's not the guy who wears the leather jacket and sunglasses, the cool guy who is beyond reproach. Tom Hanks has always had to work, and even though I told you that working hard and being cool simply don't coincide, it worked for Hanks in the 80s but no longer worked for him in the 90s. Tom Hanks was the peoples' cool guy, subject to Murphy's Law, dealing with every difficulty either by taking it in stride or by spazzing out or by saying, "Screw you, world," and who couldn't relate to that? Unlike Tom Cruise, who was cool by divine mandate (leave space for Scientology joke), Tom Hanks was elected from among the people. He paved the way for normal people to be cool, and then he left our plane of existence.

Tom Hanks came from among us and we elevated him to coolness. He then gave us his power and left the world of cool. Where did he go? He studied the art of becoming someone else, and we showed him with our patronage that we believed in these transformations. And then he just disappeared (in other words, he got involved with producing movies). What do we do now? We look at Hanks's early work and learn the lesson he taught us - be yourself, and be yourself well, the best you that you can be, for that is the path to coolness.

When They Were Cool: Tom Cruise

You used to be all right. What happened? - Radiohead

Tom Cruise used to be cool. Now he's not. As a matter of fact Tom Cruise hasn't been cool for a long time. You may have seen recent movies where Cruise was entertaining. Maybe he was even brilliant. One thing's certain: he certainly wasn't cool.

Enough negativity. This is not an anti-Tom Cruise article, but a celebration of those glorious days when Tom Cruise was cool. It is a time for joy and gaiety.

Tom Cruise's career can be summed up in three distinct phases. The first phase fits roughly to the span of the 1980s and is defined by Tom Cruise being way cool. This leads to the second phase during the 1990s where, as a result of Cruise's coolness, his sex life becomes more important than his film career. Days of Thunder and Far and Away were sweet, but his introduction to actress and future wife Nicole Kidman spelled the beginning of the end for his coolness. The final phase corresponds with the most recent decade, a period where Cruise's sex life, which should be considered at its peak with young beauty Katie Holmes, is eclipsed by his loony support of the Church of Scientology.

Remember when Tom Cruise was cool? Of course you do, but let me remind you anyways:

The movie is Risky Business. Tom Cruise plays Joel Goodson. He wears sunglasses. Already he's way cooler than Ferris Bueller. He sleeps with Lana, played by Rebecca De Mornay. He parks his father's Porsche in Lake Michigan. He dances in socks to the tune of Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock and Roll"...

The movie is Top Gun. Tom Cruise plays Maverick. He pilots a F-14A Tomcat. He wears sunglasses and has the need, the need for speed. He's lost that loving feeling. He plays with the boys. His breath is taken away multiple times by Charlotte Blackwood (Kelly McGillis), who he sleeps with...

The movie is Days of Thunder. Tom Cruise plays NASCAR driver Cole Trickle. He drives fast. He drafts behind other cars. He drives a toy car up the thigh of Dr. Claire Lewicki (played by Nicole Kidman) and he sleeps with her. He wears sunglasses...

These are unforgettable characters in scene after unforgettable scene of a series of unforgettable movies. The era of Tom Cruise's coolness has been over for nearly two decades, but lucky for us some evidence of that era still remains. Let us join together in watching the following movies in celebration of coolness: 

Endless Love (1981)

Taps (1981)

The Outsiders (1983)

Losin' It (1983)

Risky Business (1983)

All the Right Moves (1983)

Legend (1985)

Top Gun (1986)

The Color of Money (1986)

Cocktail (1988)

Rain Man (1988)

Born on the Fourth of July (1989)

Days of Thunder (1990)

Far and Away (1992)

A Few Good Men (1992)

My Six True Loves of the '80s

1. Phoebe Cates

Most of you know her from Fast Times at Ridgmont High (1982) and think of her every time you hear the song "Moving in Stereo" by The Cars. I actually fell in love with Phoebe Cates after watching Gremlins (1984) and Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990).

2. Elisabeth Shue

With the combined weight of The Karate Kid (1984) and Adventures in Babysitting (1987) it was awfully hard not to fall in love with Elisabeth Shue in the '80s.

3. Apollonia

Not only did Purple Rain (1984) set the standard for every music movie that would come in the following decades; it also introduced us to Apollonia Kotero. In a decade full of beautiful girls, Apollonia was the first woman I ever fell in love with.

4. Mia Sara

I'm a freak. If you ask me what my favorite movies of the '80s are I'm not very likely to rank Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) very high. It's common for me to miss Ferris Bueller references that you will make. The movie just didn't do as much for me as it did for you. But Mia Sara certainly had the look. She could have been in The Toxic Avenger (1984) or Return of the Killer Tomatoes (1988) and I would have fallen in love with her.

5. Jennifer Connelly

Jennifer Connelly had me forever after Labyrinth (1986). Thank goodness. Jennifer Connelly is the right '80s actress to be immortally bonded to, especially seeing her exemplary performances and growth as an actress that follows in the next few decades. Connelly remains to this day a force to be reckoned with in the realm of acting and beauty, even long after David Bowie decided to bless her career with his magic goblin wand (Was that in poor taste? You have to admit that David Bowie's nether regions were kind of the star of that movie...).

6. Jami Gertz

Traditionally there are two kinds of women that have always captured the hearts of men: those who are mysterious and those who need to be rescued. Jami Gertz was both when she played the love interest in The Lost Boys (1987). Who among you didn't dream of being Jason Patric in that movie just so you could be a beautiful man who wins the heart of the mysterious vampire groupie?